deepundergroundpoetry.com
《Fading Love》
My silent whispers,
Your pathetic whimpers.
Our glorious love,
beaming like a dove.
My aching spirt,
you said "I don't want to hear it."
These lonely night's,
caused by screaming fights.
Cold and bitter,
I thought you weren't a quitter.
My soft brown eyes,
seeing through your despicable lies.
You have crushed our dove,
burning our sweet love.
Leaving me there hopeless,
how do you expect me to cope with this?
We are no more,
furiously washed off shore.
Looking the other way,
neither one of us strong enough to stay.
My silent whispers,
your pathetic whimpers.
Our love and dove drowned in the ocean,
swallowing the last drop of this distasteful potion.
So now I'm empty,
looking the same as you left me.
Lost in thought,
about how we fought.
Repeating the cycle,
I can't believe you find this so damn delightful!
Your pathetic whimpers.
Our glorious love,
beaming like a dove.
My aching spirt,
you said "I don't want to hear it."
These lonely night's,
caused by screaming fights.
Cold and bitter,
I thought you weren't a quitter.
My soft brown eyes,
seeing through your despicable lies.
You have crushed our dove,
burning our sweet love.
Leaving me there hopeless,
how do you expect me to cope with this?
We are no more,
furiously washed off shore.
Looking the other way,
neither one of us strong enough to stay.
My silent whispers,
your pathetic whimpers.
Our love and dove drowned in the ocean,
swallowing the last drop of this distasteful potion.
So now I'm empty,
looking the same as you left me.
Lost in thought,
about how we fought.
Repeating the cycle,
I can't believe you find this so damn delightful!
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The author encourages honest critique.
Re: 《Fading Love》
21st Apr 2014 11:59am
I like this poem but anyone who finds your pain "delightful" does not deserve you
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re: Re: 《Fading Love》
21st Apr 2014 11:55pm
I dnt deserve anything. My heart is molded shut and my love is hidden beneath concrete. My trust has snapped and now im scared to let anyone get close. *sighs* oh my jolly life! *sarcastic sing song vocie*
Re: 《Fading Love》
22nd Apr 2014 00:39am
I see an emotion in this piece that only those who never gamble in love have never felt. It is the impetus for many a blues song, talks with a best buddy over a beer/wine and also the spark to some of the world's most soul probing narratives.
Nicely done.
One question; "You have crushed our dove," was that meant to be "love"
Nicely done.
One question; "You have crushed our dove," was that meant to be "love"
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re: Re: 《Fading Love》
22nd Apr 2014 1:01am
Its meant to be Dove. Dove is a bird known for love. So I put it in my poem meaning he killed our Dove (bird) thus ending our love. No more Dove no more love. Understand? And thank u I had a rough time writing this....to many flash backs.
re: re: Re: 《Fading Love》
22nd Apr 2014 1:20am
Re: 《Fading Love》
22nd Apr 2014 2:30am
Re: 《Fading Love》
22nd Apr 2014 3:51am
re: Re: 《Fading Love》
22nd Apr 2014 4:22am
Its hurts right? Yeah, I ache thinking back to those miserable nights. Im glad someone knows the pain I faced knowing im not alone that someone is feeling what I have experienced.
Re: 《Fading Love》
22nd Apr 2014 5:57am
re: Re: 《Fading Love》
22nd Apr 2014 6:24am
I think im getting close.....lets just say this person has a Nickname filled with....passion ^-^
re: Re: 《Fading Love》
23rd Apr 2014 4:22am
Re: 《Fading Love》
24th Apr 2014 5:09am
Honest Critique:
Write another poem about this one but "show" more real and less polish. Try ditching the rhyme scheme. Bleed it out, make a mess of yourself. Make me cry, fall in love, wish I never had, and want too again.
silent whispers (what did you say)
screaming fights (smack us with the screaming )You have crushed our dove (paint me a picture of a crushed dove, it sounds awful but you avoiding making us really see it)
burning our sweet love (simile or metaphor of what love might be and look like burning)
dove drowned in the (poison potion) ocean, make us see the broken bird on the water, describe)
anyway you have emotional seeds of many poems here to work with, pick one scene and make it hurt....welcome to DUP and keep em coming young poet
Write another poem about this one but "show" more real and less polish. Try ditching the rhyme scheme. Bleed it out, make a mess of yourself. Make me cry, fall in love, wish I never had, and want too again.
silent whispers (what did you say)
screaming fights (smack us with the screaming )You have crushed our dove (paint me a picture of a crushed dove, it sounds awful but you avoiding making us really see it)
burning our sweet love (simile or metaphor of what love might be and look like burning)
dove drowned in the (poison potion) ocean, make us see the broken bird on the water, describe)
anyway you have emotional seeds of many poems here to work with, pick one scene and make it hurt....welcome to DUP and keep em coming young poet
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re: Re: 《Fading Love》
24th Apr 2014 5:54am
Thank you! Ill push my self next time. Your advised put me in thought and I shall remake my poem to a greater satisfaction. You comment was greatly appreciated. Thank you for the warm welcome