The black dog follows

Cold gray sky surrounds my soul
blanket of warmth no more
still I sit frozen with my companion, depression
guilt consumes me
my work ethic screams from what little is left
Black and blue fight blue no more
I sit and stare at the past, mourning it's death.
drugs try and try, but they swim and swim like oil in an ocean of water
21 fail they mean no harm
My father watches me, he's gone but his energy is present
oh how I wish I could spend just a day
father please forgive me, I couldn't watch you die
how selfish of me, I'm so sorry.
legions of academics say it's bipolar, am I to follow there lead?
I trust no more