Boom

Sometimes I visualize the action of picking up a loaded revolver, turning the barrel towards my forehead, grasping the handle, putting my thumb on the trigger, and blowing a hole through my head.

The feeling of hopelessness, sadness, loss, disappointment, hurt, confusion, death of the illusion which I grasp so tightly is the most overwhelming feeling. I know that I'm doing it to myself but sometimes knowing it's not real is not enough.