Personas

Personas

     The blinding light doesn't bother me I’ve been doing this for too long, but I know it must bother him. I know from my own experience that the closer I get the more the pain intensifies. His face twists into a knot, his muscles tense and he cries out in pain.

     As I get closer I feel the words slip out of my mouth as if they aren’t mine, because they aren’t!” Follow me darling everything will be over soon!” I say the words but it’s not my voice but a woman's and I realize that he must perceive me as a woman, perhaps his wife?

     Again from my own experience I know that since I’m within arms reach the pain must is unbearable. I do not wish to prolong the suffering. I extend my arm out to him to end the pain. The relief on his face isn’t surprising, I remember how good it felt for the pain to be taken from me.

     And so I grabbed his hand and led him along, I didn’t have to look back to see what was happening it happened to me, and I feel it’s something personal. You see when your soul dematerializes you can feel everything you have done wrong and right. You have an out-of-body experience and you see yourself as parts of you fall as ash and others float away as particles of light. There is both relief and regret, it’s both exciting and depressing.

     Just as his soul finishes separating I turn and his eyes meet mine for an instant. Then I find myself in a dim lighted room lit only by candles. There is a sweet looking teenage girl in a bathtub filled with a dark liquid. A suicide, these are the worst separations to perform, they’re always off balance, not by a little but by an immense degree! They tear at your heart when there’s more good, it really tests your willpower.

     I have to start the separation no matter how much I truly wish not to I must. As always it starts with the blinding light, I don’t know what causes this illumination, maybe it comes from being in another person's soul, but that’s not important. I don’t even want to know how she perceives me, I just want to get this over as quickly and painlessly as possible. Hearing her and seeing her brings back the pain I felt. I see this girl and I feel it separate to almost pure good and I ask myself what could have drove her to this.

     After it’s over I savor the moments I have till I have to perform another separation. I ask myself, ‘what have I done or not done to deserve this torturous job, why must I continue, when will someone take over for me like I had to for him?’ ‘He stepped down leaving a trail of ash and light behind, does that mean I must do the same, must I throw this burden upon another for them to carry? No, I couldn't do that, not to any one else! No this is my burden no matter how much I wish it not, I will continue on this path of separating souls.
     
So know the next time someone cheats death and talks about seeing a light and their grandma or their cherished pet dog, know that light was me, that dog was me, know that no matter what you’ve done in your life judgement is not my job. If that job belongs to anybody I do not know. I believe that when a soul is finished the good and evil both pass on in the world as if nothing happened, it’s all just one big pile of crap! No matter what or who you believe in, nothing different happens. You still die your soul still separates, and you still don’t know what to believe.

We all have a role to play, a job to fulfill, and when you die yours is done and mine begins!