the long walk back

   
overcomplicated it already  
   
   
thought I had a friend to confide in  
tell the muddy personals to  
without it being held against me  
   
thought that I was shown the ultrasound  
of our boy due in August  
to open up healthier channels  
   
but the machinery always gets so gummed up  
   
thought I could take the train  
having known the tracks so well  
   
but, a hearty   
"get over yourself, kid"    
the bigger other says    
"tie them shoes even tighter    
and get to stepping"  
   
thought that I could grab a beer  
celebrate the sliver of pride  
that I worked so hard to regain  
   
thought I could relax  
establish a civilian life  
   
but the war torn take time to seek retribution  
and there isn't an honest one amongst 'em  
   
and it's clear that i must pay back in time  
and in discomfort  
   
and it is painfully fucking obvious    
that i deserve it