The Dick Who Stole Christmas
The Dick Who Stole Christmas
Every Who who could Screw
Down in Screw-ville
Liked Christmas a lot...
But the Grinch,
Who lived just North of Screw-ville
The Grinch hated Christmas with all it's pussy pleasing.
No one really gave a shit nor knew quite the reason.
It could be that his head was never sucked quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his cock-ring was too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his balls were two sizes too small.
Whatever the reason,
His cock ring or his balls
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating those who screwed against walls
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinch frown
At the rainbow colored windows below in their town.
For he knew every horny slut down in Screw-ville beneath
Was busy fucking under a mistleoe wreath.
"And they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Christmas! I can hear them screaming, "Right there! Oh right there!"
Then he growled, with his grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep those bastards from cumming!
For, tomorrow, he knew...
...All the Who whores and Boys (two snaps)
Would wake up bright and early and they'd rush for their toys!
There'd be dildos and rabbits, bullwhips and spiked black boots
Angel wings, zippered black masks and butt plugs for their chutes.
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
Coming from not just from sluts but also the Boys! Boys! Boys! (two snaps)
The more the Grinch thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
"Why for sixty-nine years I've put up with it now!
I MUST stop this Christmas humping!
Then he got an idea!
An awful fuckin' idea!
GOT A WONDERFUCKIN' AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The Grinch Laughed scratching his lil' balls
And he stitched a red hat and coat to look like Santy Claus
And he laughed and scratched "What a great Grinchy trick!
"With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Prick!"
"All I need is a patsy ..."
The Grinch looked around.
And since morons came a dime a dozen one was easily found.
So he called his dog Bush. Then he took some red thread
And he tied him up so the mutt would just nod his head
He loaded some bags
And he propped up old Bush
On a broken down sleigh
And with a grim toothed smile yelled, - "Mush!"
All the Who windows were dark. Sweet soft moans filled the air.
All the horny Whos were having wet dreams - without a care
When he came to the first house in the square.
"This is stop number one," old Santy Prick hissed
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
He continued on with his evilly nasty spree
Propping up Bush on every TV
Then he spied and crawled with lies most unpleasant,
Around the whole town and he took every present!
Handcuffs! And dildos! Evergreen buds!
Massage oils and candles! Collars with studs!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Dick very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up every chimney!
When the next morning came the Dick could hardly wait
Those horny lil' Who's would face a new fate.
He sat on the crest of the highest hill to await Who cries of sorrow
With no presents to share they'd Boo Hoo tomorrow after tomorrow
"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch,
"That I simply must hear!"
So he paused. And He and Bush put a hand to their ears.
And they did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then the moans started to grow...
But the sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound was filled with joy!
It couldn't be so!
How could this happen without a toy.
He glared down at Screw-ville!
The Dick popped his eyes!
Then he Moped!
For what he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Who down in Who-ville, fat, skinny, tall and the small
Was making love Without any Christmas presents at all!
He HADN'T stopped them cumming!
Somehow or other, they came just the same!
Again and again ... And AGAIN!
And the Grinch, with little balls cold from the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
They came without dildos! They came without plugs!
"They didn't need leather, just lots of hugs."
And he played with his balls for three hours, 'till his nuts were sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
And what happened then...?
Well...in Screw-ville they say
That the Grinch's small balls
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his balls didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light
He told lil' Bush with eyes that glowed with a shine
"I'll give them their toys and I'll have mine!
They can screw in the dark for I'll have WAR next time!"
... So while the Whos were satisfied with a little joy and occasional peace
The Dick and Bush unleashed the most dastardly Beast!
Written for the "50 Sheds of Grey" (satire) competition hosted by Missy Sub.