deepundergroundpoetry.com
I am enough
So I should be concerned with the tautness of my body.
Its' smoothness, flexibility, unbroken completion.
Yet I lie unflexed, alone in the spacious.
Like a hero slain on a prominent ground.
All the rubble vacated, an image brought to attention.
All the trouble relocated, yet the fury swings on.
So I am now existing on the build-up of many things.
Encountered, available, passed by and grasped.
It is all still there, yet washed away, unaccountable.
My body is a going, and at times.
But I must let it up, the equations still persist.
There are pains, and they shall be walls.
A sense of structure, if I should vanish too far.
The dizzious collapsings, the within spreading.
So much is at stake, the instance of everything, everywhere.
Now, not just close, but the entire universe.
Surely there is lots, surely there is too much.
But I'll let the world and all the others do as they've done.
There's only a few I can, just a step-through process.
I am enough, as the taughtness of my mind.
Its' smoothness, flexibility, unbroken completion.
Yet I lie unflexed, alone in the spacious.
Like a hero slain on a prominent ground.
All the rubble vacated, an image brought to attention.
All the trouble relocated, yet the fury swings on.
So I am now existing on the build-up of many things.
Encountered, available, passed by and grasped.
It is all still there, yet washed away, unaccountable.
My body is a going, and at times.
But I must let it up, the equations still persist.
There are pains, and they shall be walls.
A sense of structure, if I should vanish too far.
The dizzious collapsings, the within spreading.
So much is at stake, the instance of everything, everywhere.
Now, not just close, but the entire universe.
Surely there is lots, surely there is too much.
But I'll let the world and all the others do as they've done.
There's only a few I can, just a step-through process.
I am enough, as the taughtness of my mind.
Published 15th Mar 2014
| Edited 15th Apr 2014
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 1
comments 8
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
A few technical clarifications are necessary with this poem. The words "dizzious" in the middle and the word "taughtness" at the end are intentional. Much of my work will contain such altered wordings. Also I tend to commit the odd purposeful grammatical awkwardity ("awkwardity", another incorrect word according to the mainstream spellchecker beliefs, dammit I'm doomed!). In this poem, "alone in the spacious", "the within spreading" and "there's only a few I can" are clearly grammatically incorrect. You'll have to figure it out what they mean for yourselves...
Thank you.
Thank you.
15th Mar 2014 9:45pm
thought inspiring indeed. I feel a sense despair or malaise in the open lines, without solution, but in a way it seems somehow satisfying
16th Mar 2014 2:46am
16th Mar 2014 9:41am
Thank you. Helpfully guiding or hinderingly blinding, there surely must be an infinite number of sentences that can describe it, this pathway through...
16th Mar 2014 3:16pm
On this 'pathway through' our mortal existence--from the physical, to the metaphysical-- perhaps it is of more importance to have a 'taught'(sharp, keen) mind, rather than a 'taught' body....?
As for your structure, i personally find it rather innovative, and refreshing! Ummm...as writers, i do think that we are permitted a certain amount 'poetic license'--aren't we? ;) (From the amazing Dr. Seuss we were afforded some unusual, but memorable words( phrases, and characters):p
I truly enjoyed the multi-level interpretations to this piece!
Creatively Compelling!
As for your structure, i personally find it rather innovative, and refreshing! Ummm...as writers, i do think that we are permitted a certain amount 'poetic license'--aren't we? ;) (From the amazing Dr. Seuss we were afforded some unusual, but memorable words( phrases, and characters):p
I truly enjoyed the multi-level interpretations to this piece!
Creatively Compelling!
19th Mar 2014 10:59am
A brilliant analysis in your first line of the comment. I shall have to think upon it and come back later with a good continuing response.
For now, I'm definitely clicking on the little thumb-up icon on your comment box...
For now, I'm definitely clicking on the little thumb-up icon on your comment box...
14th Apr 2014 3:21pm
this surprised me with its poetry. it has whatever kind of essence makes something (for me we are all different in our tastes) a poem. i would look at your semicolons again and if they are only there to look pretty, think about getting rid of all or most of them. if you need like grammatical help or what, like, i can help you cus im actually well clever.
back to the catchphrase review---- it's hopeful in the way that hope is only truly existent when you've experienced a total loss of it.
and a sense of 'if you judge me by who i was yesterday, were gonna have a bad time you and me' ...
there are people here i pick on and say YES, YOU HAVE THE X FACTOR MY SON, not knowing why. you're one of them. congratz. your deep underground journey will be interesting to watch.
back to the catchphrase review---- it's hopeful in the way that hope is only truly existent when you've experienced a total loss of it.
and a sense of 'if you judge me by who i was yesterday, were gonna have a bad time you and me' ...
there are people here i pick on and say YES, YOU HAVE THE X FACTOR MY SON, not knowing why. you're one of them. congratz. your deep underground journey will be interesting to watch.
15th Apr 2014 5:37am
I do use too many semicolons! Perhaps for this piece I will make amends and use more serious period marks - slow it way down. Thanks for this technical advice.
Personally I think most of my work is best read with the quiet voice inside your mind, and NOT spoken aloud. However, since I was brought up on Shakespeare, I tend to formalize my work and write it down with the kind of punctuation for the direction of spoken-out stage play, so that the reader knows when to stop for a breath, or slow down just a bit, or just fluently keep flowing. So if indeed my work is best read silently, you're right, I should drop them all, and let the reader's mind work on its own to find the proper flow which suits itself.
As for me being chosen to pick on, oh dear, I'm not entirely sure if this a good thing or a bad thing... do I bring out the libation cups and celebrate or start loading up my ammo clips..?!!!
I got a pretty sturdy skin... I've been bitten by dogs, swatted by cats, sniffed at by grizzly bears, circled by bulls and sized up for duel with a moose! Bring it on, I'll take it all!
Personally I think most of my work is best read with the quiet voice inside your mind, and NOT spoken aloud. However, since I was brought up on Shakespeare, I tend to formalize my work and write it down with the kind of punctuation for the direction of spoken-out stage play, so that the reader knows when to stop for a breath, or slow down just a bit, or just fluently keep flowing. So if indeed my work is best read silently, you're right, I should drop them all, and let the reader's mind work on its own to find the proper flow which suits itself.
As for me being chosen to pick on, oh dear, I'm not entirely sure if this a good thing or a bad thing... do I bring out the libation cups and celebrate or start loading up my ammo clips..?!!!
I got a pretty sturdy skin... I've been bitten by dogs, swatted by cats, sniffed at by grizzly bears, circled by bulls and sized up for duel with a moose! Bring it on, I'll take it all!
