Because Past isn’t empty and neither am I

They tell me a remodel is coming
that I have been a good girl
that they will build everything new
that the cyclones running across my landscape
will be brought to justice.
Take all of it out, they say
remove everything, they push.
So I do.

I take down the words plastering the walls
I erase the stories in the nuclei of my cells
sand out the memories layering the floorboards.
I sweep all my storms out the window
throw away the seasons I stored under my bed.
I put the light out under the forge of my computer
nothing else will be made here nothing else will be made here
and call it cleaning.
I am beige walled and empty
echoing across what once was there
and what I hope to be replaced.
And I wait and I wait and I wait
but part of me falls asleep
against the nails hanging empty on the walls,
that skin I have worked so hard to fit
begins to tatter on the raw edges of emptiness left behind.
Still they do not come.
I forget waiting in nightmares.
The grit of hastily destroyed memories imbeds in my hips
silence lies against me
bending to my contours so that it better knows
how to destroy me
I am asleep and can’t wake up.
the sun is falling
the moon is falling
those stars I loved weep darkness.
And when I awake
I blink and blink and blink
and realize I am in love with the shadows
that take the empty away.

I don’t wait anymore
I found the worlds already there.