I hurt myself

I stabbed myself    
I slashed my delts now I'll flop about as my arms bleed out    
   
Cut my wrist I ended this, holding drugs in both my fists    
in my right hand I hold the blue pill    
in my left I hold the red    
on the table is some brandy I took them both and now I'm dead    
   
There is no afterlife it's a lie they made so you'll pay the price    
a story so you don't think twice when you take up arms against your brother's wife    
   
I digress    
I'm under too much stress    
adderall caffeine lsd and mescaline    
I met a girl she stole my world now watch as all my flaws unfurl    
   
I don't like who I've become    
I predicted this when I was young and still I made all the wrong choices    
listened to all the wrong fucking voices    
   
the mirror lies and my image plagues me    
exercise was my escape but it's now just another vice in my fate    
Like I can see myself start to gain weight    
if I don't take a break and start to push around some weights  
Oh you count carbs? that's really great  
get at me when you're doing cardio until you hallucinate  
 
Divine is my serenity    
but I know not a land of plenty    
milk and honey don't come when the money is funny    
when there's nothing in my tummy I put the gun between my teeth    
never to speak, never to think, skating through hell's ice rink    
   
I hate me    
fuck you andy, fuck you drew, fuck you skippy, fuck you andrew, fuck you tank, fuck you knuckles. Nicknames are for children and their games    
my memories all fucking faded with the pain    
my soul has eroded    
my spirit gone    
   
I'm fucking broken    
it's time to move on