Leaving

I've died on the outside, yet in my mind I still roam restlessly. I hear you sitting down beside me, telling me how your days been. That you still miss me dearly. I feel like trying to scream at the top of my lungs. Though I know you can't hear me where I am now. How long have I been like this? The days are all a blur now. I come and go in and out of conciousness. It's as if i'm stuck in quick sand slowly sinking farther in every day. I don't know how much longer I can stay like this, but I don't want to leave you hurting like this either. I feel you pick my hand up and put it to your cheak. It's wet from your tears. I wish more then anything that I could sit up and wipe them from your eyes. Though now I know I won't be able to have the privlege to be the one to do that again. I hope you will move on and find love again. To know that none of this is your fault. Sadly it was just a fatal accident. I now understand what that man I once read about meant when he said "I think therefore I am". If I wasn't able to think I truely would be gone. I feel tired now. Maybe I won't have a choice but to go. Just when I think it's all going to be over soon, I feel you get up and move. NO! don't go I can't leave this world without you atleast being near me! You leave and I feel desperatly alone and scared I don't want to go. It feels like you've been gone for eternity and i'm starting to slip out of being maybe for the last time. Then I hear a comotion. Your back! And you've brought my parents. I guess they must know its close to the end. Yet I feel you pick my hand up gengerly with care as if I could brake at any moment, and I feel something solid and warm slight onto my ring finger. You bend down and whisper in my ear. "Baby I love you you've faught so long and hard its okay if you need to go now, but before you do I wish to make you my wife. No matter what you'll always be my girl." Never in my life had I felt so much pride in this man that holds my hand. I hate to go and leave when I could finally be his wife, but I know now that it will all be okay they will all survive and move on without me. The sinking feeling is coming back...and then I feel light as a feather. I can open my eyes, but I am no longer in my body. I am slowly hovering above them. My parents are holding each other as he lays my hand down on the bed one last time. The ring and what it resembles is beautiful, I float down to his side and gently kiss his cheek. His whole body relax's and I know he's felt my presence. I glance at my parents and are happy that through all this they still have each other. I no longer will be there by their side in person, but I will always be there and love them in spirit, and it comforts me to know that they also feel it to. I look above me and see the bright light sigh, and let go...........