deepundergroundpoetry.com
Wants
I want to lick raindrops off of a tree
I want to feel the sting of a thousand honey bees
I want to feel the lightning strike me down where i stand
I want to feel the calming weight of being buried alive in sand
I want to stare deep into moonlit clouds
I want to wander through weeping willow shrouds
I want to lie in a cactus bed
I want to scrape my skin across a rattlesnake's head
I want to hear the crunch of dirt between my teeth
I want to hear the thunder rumble out its grief
I want to feel the silk that a spider spins
I want to caress a dolphins fins
I want to witness the earth's beauty and pain
I want to have it's touch leave a multicolored stain
I want to feel the sting of a thousand honey bees
I want to feel the lightning strike me down where i stand
I want to feel the calming weight of being buried alive in sand
I want to stare deep into moonlit clouds
I want to wander through weeping willow shrouds
I want to lie in a cactus bed
I want to scrape my skin across a rattlesnake's head
I want to hear the crunch of dirt between my teeth
I want to hear the thunder rumble out its grief
I want to feel the silk that a spider spins
I want to caress a dolphins fins
I want to witness the earth's beauty and pain
I want to have it's touch leave a multicolored stain
Published 27th Feb 2014
| Edited 7th Mar 2014
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
reading list entries 0
comments 4
reads 692
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
27th Feb 2014 5:12am
The opening line is the kindest; I felt great expectations when I read that line, and then I started to pull back when the subsequent lines started battling with the redemptive spirit of the opening line. I was just thinking that to "witness the earth's beauty and pain" may require a little more of the beauty amidst the obvious pain. I would feel better to have the first line repeat itself as the last line, for then I could see myself enduring the transition as just a passing phase...
31st Mar 2014 8:43am
4th Apr 2014 10:30pm
I really appreciate your input and you make a good point. i tried adding a few lines that are softer than the rest to help make it maybe a bit more appealing.
29th Jun 2014 7:55am
It's sweet of you to heed the call for balance and make the adjustments mentioned to soften the body of your poem. It is the duty of the poet to recognise, to identify and then to diminish, sorten or abolish the pain of self and others...Thank you.
