deepundergroundpoetry.com
Void
a void that will not be filled
an emptiness that cuts deep
like a razor to the fucking bone
to a hollow place
that will forever bleed
a death of a life
cut down in its glorious prime
shattered dreams falling to ash
at the feet of those who grieve
those who mourn a loss
pain rips a hole
an open wound filled with salt
tears flow without end
and sorrow forever burns in my heart
an emptiness that cuts deep
like a razor to the fucking bone
to a hollow place
that will forever bleed
a death of a life
cut down in its glorious prime
shattered dreams falling to ash
at the feet of those who grieve
those who mourn a loss
pain rips a hole
an open wound filled with salt
tears flow without end
and sorrow forever burns in my heart
Published 26th Feb 2014
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
26th Feb 2014 5:18pm
I don't know if you meant to but this poem has a great rhythm. It moves along with some of the words rhyming.
Great write!
Great write!
26th Feb 2014 5:22pm
Wasn't my intention, but going back and reading it again, I see what you mean. Thanks!
12th Dec 2017 7:37pm
I'ts bitter
raw
and it speaks of a truth you don't have to tip toe through to read the lines
for an honest critique i would say it's fine just as it is. it's short enough to not have line breaks,theres no spelling errors that i've found,and i was going to say add a splash of color (ie:black void,red death of life,etc) but the title being "void" nullifies it.
so wrap it up with a bright yellow bow cause i'll take it.
raw
and it speaks of a truth you don't have to tip toe through to read the lines
for an honest critique i would say it's fine just as it is. it's short enough to not have line breaks,theres no spelling errors that i've found,and i was going to say add a splash of color (ie:black void,red death of life,etc) but the title being "void" nullifies it.
so wrap it up with a bright yellow bow cause i'll take it.
