deepundergroundpoetry.com
DANCE
Come closer. Close the curtain against the clean fresh air
Become my clothes and flesh made flesh only
Climb in me. The skin. The rhythm of skin sublime
And time-wind the spring line impalpable.
A graveyard clock in a neighbourhood where cops walk in pairs, is dead
A concrete wood where bears shit, a wormhole, where a pretty plum
Picks a pickled pear. All twinkle toed from a Soho show, she goes:
I bet Ginger Rogers as Fred Astaires. And she goes:
I bet I can make you dance
I bet I can make you laugh
I’m smoother than a baby in an acid bath.
Facades splinter. A breaking: the flow and fold of heart borne
A churning of cream and ghee, the butter beauty of
The urgent slow, the fated and fitful glee of remembering
Souls repeating their romance immemorial…
Alarm echoes but no work today, no pay equals the play of a minute more
Exploring lands lost over and over again, a garden, that hill, that valley,
A synchronous empire and though he does not move, she goes: please don’t go
Slow dance to a love song of lost craft, of passing ships and seas,
Please stay a while, she goes,
I’ll make no trouble, please.
As tenderly as a bubble in a bubble bath.
(entered in Think You Can Dance comp of Lobo's)
Become my clothes and flesh made flesh only
Climb in me. The skin. The rhythm of skin sublime
And time-wind the spring line impalpable.
A graveyard clock in a neighbourhood where cops walk in pairs, is dead
A concrete wood where bears shit, a wormhole, where a pretty plum
Picks a pickled pear. All twinkle toed from a Soho show, she goes:
I bet Ginger Rogers as Fred Astaires. And she goes:
I bet I can make you dance
I bet I can make you laugh
I’m smoother than a baby in an acid bath.
Facades splinter. A breaking: the flow and fold of heart borne
A churning of cream and ghee, the butter beauty of
The urgent slow, the fated and fitful glee of remembering
Souls repeating their romance immemorial…
Alarm echoes but no work today, no pay equals the play of a minute more
Exploring lands lost over and over again, a garden, that hill, that valley,
A synchronous empire and though he does not move, she goes: please don’t go
Slow dance to a love song of lost craft, of passing ships and seas,
Please stay a while, she goes,
I’ll make no trouble, please.
As tenderly as a bubble in a bubble bath.
(entered in Think You Can Dance comp of Lobo's)
Published 22nd Feb 2014
| Edited 23rd Feb 2014
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
22nd Feb 2014 11:44pm
The last section is a strong, lucid, touching one. :)
Now as for the rest of the piece, it needs work.
I am not too keen lately with my own grammar, (and have deleted some of my own latest poems because of it), but since you encourage honest critcism, there are some things that beg correction here:
L5: "is dead" would be better placed after "clock".
L8: I'm guessing "as" should be "is"...and Astaire should have "e" not "s" at end.
Why the use of the words "she goes" instead of "she says"? Why the lack of quotation marks around the phrases she says?
There are other points I would brush up, if this were my prose, but the edits I mention here are the ones I would fix first.
Now as for the rest of the piece, it needs work.
I am not too keen lately with my own grammar, (and have deleted some of my own latest poems because of it), but since you encourage honest critcism, there are some things that beg correction here:
L5: "is dead" would be better placed after "clock".
L8: I'm guessing "as" should be "is"...and Astaire should have "e" not "s" at end.
Why the use of the words "she goes" instead of "she says"? Why the lack of quotation marks around the phrases she says?
There are other points I would brush up, if this were my prose, but the edits I mention here are the ones I would fix first.
23rd Feb 2014 00:02am
A really big thanks Artina for the time spent on this. I recognise this is a hard poem to decipher and may be hard to even to get a long with.
"goes" rather than "says" is London vernacular.
I wanted to emphasise "dead" so left it hanging on the end.
You're right on Astaire with an "e" but it should be "as" as its a play on words "rogers" is a word for "fucks" in London and there's a play on our rhyming slang over here as well - so it reads "Ginger fucks as Fred stares"
The rest I think I leave because it still feels right even if not that accessible
Please know that i really value your comments - and please keep coming bak and letting me know!
"goes" rather than "says" is London vernacular.
I wanted to emphasise "dead" so left it hanging on the end.
You're right on Astaire with an "e" but it should be "as" as its a play on words "rogers" is a word for "fucks" in London and there's a play on our rhyming slang over here as well - so it reads "Ginger fucks as Fred stares"
The rest I think I leave because it still feels right even if not that accessible
Please know that i really value your comments - and please keep coming bak and letting me know!
Anonymous
23rd Feb 2014 00:35am
LOL. I am glad you explained the venacular to me, and the joke involving Rogers and Fred. :) TY.
23rd Feb 2014 00:52am
:) well thanks for sticking with it - sometimes clarity gets lost when you're reaching for something else. The narrative is about two people who meet by chance to "dance" but in fact they've met before in another time and as time folds in on itself (the wormhole) they come together again falling into their old familiar love.
23rd Feb 2014 00:23am
I do enjoy the authentic slights that make our home towns so personal. Language and custom so close but so different. Bring on the flavours Whale. Enjoyed. Thank you.
23rd Feb 2014 00:54am
Thanks TS :) - one of the joys of DU is that its so diverse and it peppers our ink with as you say great flavours/flavors
23rd Feb 2014 4:23am
23rd Feb 2014 8:17am
23rd Feb 2014 9:36am
"Climb in me. The skin. The rhythm of skin sublime"
Oh, this is the essence of dance, whale.... two partners so perfectly in tune, they're like one entity.
loved this romantic pas de deux.
Oh, this is the essence of dance, whale.... two partners so perfectly in tune, they're like one entity.
loved this romantic pas de deux.
23rd Feb 2014 10:02am
wow - fantastic comment and your add to your reading list has got me dancing like a dervish :) Thanks
Anonymous
23rd Feb 2014 8:56pm
Like ghosts talking...
Old lovers that reunite in a meeting of fate
Old lovers that reunite in a meeting of fate
23rd Feb 2014 11:51pm
yes - the past and present are forever bumping into each other. When I was writing it I was reminded of Kevin Spacey's words in the film K-PAX:
"The universe will expand, then it will collapse back on itself, then will expand again. It will repeat this process forever.
"What you don't you know is that when the universe expands again, everything will be as it is now. Whatever mistakes you make this time around, you will live through on your next pass. Every mistake you make, you will live through again, & again, forever. So my advice to you is to get it right this time around. Because this time is all you have."
"The universe will expand, then it will collapse back on itself, then will expand again. It will repeat this process forever.
"What you don't you know is that when the universe expands again, everything will be as it is now. Whatever mistakes you make this time around, you will live through on your next pass. Every mistake you make, you will live through again, & again, forever. So my advice to you is to get it right this time around. Because this time is all you have."
