deepundergroundpoetry.com
SKYLINE DOWN
Tonight we burn the skyline down,
oh but you tell me to watch my mouth.
There are too many delicate ears around here.
Souls with visible puppet strings.
Your lecture over the constant click
of my zippo opening and closing
opening and closing...
So here we stand on dizzy ground,
aliens watch us like scared rabbits,
poking our heads out of portals.
Everyone is their own private dimension.
We'll give those aliens something pretty to watch.
You're still talking,
so I interrupt with a gasoline flavored kiss.
Are you ready my love?
Perhaps if I let her finish...
If I had not been so focused on watching it burn,
I would have known you wished to stay in the flames,
but my eyes were sulfur match tips.
She wasn't behind me,and I never turned around.
So now,as I watch the fire dance and crack from the miles.
As I watch all the weak and sick
fall back into natural selection.
I can only smell your sweet flesh melting away.
oh but you tell me to watch my mouth.
There are too many delicate ears around here.
Souls with visible puppet strings.
Your lecture over the constant click
of my zippo opening and closing
opening and closing...
So here we stand on dizzy ground,
aliens watch us like scared rabbits,
poking our heads out of portals.
Everyone is their own private dimension.
We'll give those aliens something pretty to watch.
You're still talking,
so I interrupt with a gasoline flavored kiss.
Are you ready my love?
Perhaps if I let her finish...
If I had not been so focused on watching it burn,
I would have known you wished to stay in the flames,
but my eyes were sulfur match tips.
She wasn't behind me,and I never turned around.
So now,as I watch the fire dance and crack from the miles.
As I watch all the weak and sick
fall back into natural selection.
I can only smell your sweet flesh melting away.
Published 19th Feb 2014
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Anonymous
- Edited 19th Feb 2014 11:07am
19th Feb 2014 11:06am
I smell smoke. That's all I can say right now.
Edit (if you want) the line:
"aliens watch us like scared rabbits,"
It reads like the aliens are the scared rabbits. Add a "we're" before "scared" , so it's clear that you and she are the rabbits.
Edit (if you want) the line:
"aliens watch us like scared rabbits,"
It reads like the aliens are the scared rabbits. Add a "we're" before "scared" , so it's clear that you and she are the rabbits.
20th Feb 2014 3:36am
Thank you for the feedback...I figured the second half of the sentence defines that it was us the aliens were watching..."poking OUR heads out of portals"...Please keep the critique coming my friend;)
