deepundergroundpoetry.com
My Thoughts Are Tasting You As
my thoughts are tasting you as
i write this with a heavy sponge
in my pants and a song on my
tongue to sing to your lips both…
passion is only a virtue when we
freely add all of life's fluid into
the river of aloneness on the hope
that it is a raft to carry us into…
flow is the depth of my yearn
and weight is the hold of that cell
to place inside your eternity as
all breath escapes and returns…
when is the Time passing before
us as we argue which linear concept
is the more valid form of that which
we never quite grasp until too late…
why is all pedigree fulfilled in a mire
of wishes and dreams and mostly
incongruous but our opinions matter
small compared to what is possible…
such is explained in the journal of all
life and put-forth as we exceed the
trouble it cost us in youth to become
a better that than a this for those…
will is a supposition proposed toward
any effort gained to be adopted into
the package presentation given to all
the pseudo geniuses who rule over us…
Published 7th Feb 2014
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7th Feb 2014 8:06am
"place inside your eternity" is a beautiful, space-like line that conjures up an image of naked lovers embracing on a bed in the dark, blankness of the endless skies. One issue, the line about the sponge in the pants is kind of comical, and took away from the seriousness an the passion. I don't know if that was your intention, but it just drew me away from the erotic vibe. Overall well done.
10th Feb 2014 8:05am
Hey Jade
Thanks for the kind words. "Sponge" is more a metaphor for that tactile, full, aroused feeling, maybe even somewhat literal, but I'll take comical.
Peace.
Rev. Pete
Thanks for the kind words. "Sponge" is more a metaphor for that tactile, full, aroused feeling, maybe even somewhat literal, but I'll take comical.
Peace.
Rev. Pete
7th Feb 2014 9:26am
the influence of Cummings is evident in your poem, as you attribute greater value & meaning to words like 'when, 'why' & 'such.' the sublime out of the ordinary...
10th Feb 2014 8:08am
Thanks John
It means a lot when people pick up on my influences. I still have my first e.e. cummings book given to me by an old girlfriend way back in 1971. I still read it to this day.
Peace,
Rev. Pete
It means a lot when people pick up on my influences. I still have my first e.e. cummings book given to me by an old girlfriend way back in 1971. I still read it to this day.
Peace,
Rev. Pete
