deepundergroundpoetry.com
Afternoon
The afternoon of exceptional delight is to feel to hold her till time ends it will never end as the heart bets turns to a loud drums bets intertwined with the double Petle of the base and as I stand up to kiss her time stops and gose like a bet of music dying down all of a sudden boom I stop turn boom bang crash I look nothing I turn back to hold her and gone the afternoon of exceptional delight turns to exceptional dread and I start to leson to the bet I hear the name of my demon DNFL and I freeze to call him and no respond until she call him
Published 21st Feb 2011
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comments 13
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The author encourages honest critique.
21st Feb 2011 00:32am
awwim not lying when i said this its soooooooooooo super amazing i have a tear in my eye:') amazing love it man
21st Feb 2011 00:34am
ThNks n really u had tres Im happy that u like it I'm mean that's most of wat my poems r like
21st Feb 2011 00:35am
21st Feb 2011 00:37am
21st Feb 2011 00:40am
my mind is always on the move i just have alot to say but most ppl wont listen and yes im only 13
21st Feb 2011 00:44am
21st Feb 2011 00:48am
21st Feb 2011 00:49am
Anonymous
21st Feb 2011 6:58pm
how this could be sentimental if you can't understand it. How can you read this?
If you have this published in a book, the editors would not accept anything like this.
It lacks form, punctuation, capitalization, sentences, and is just a string of random words put together.
Not to mention that the ending is sometimes the most important part of the poem and yours goes like this:
"I freeze to call him and no respond until she call him"
"I no respond". That's an atrocity to the English language.
If you have this published in a book, the editors would not accept anything like this.
It lacks form, punctuation, capitalization, sentences, and is just a string of random words put together.
Not to mention that the ending is sometimes the most important part of the poem and yours goes like this:
"I freeze to call him and no respond until she call him"
"I no respond". That's an atrocity to the English language.
22nd Feb 2011 11:44pm
Anonymous
23rd Feb 2011 10:45pm
What's "this country"?
There are poets here from all around the world, yet they are capable of posting correctly grammatical, understandable poems in whatever language they do so desire.
This is not a language. This is a string of random words.
There are poets here from all around the world, yet they are capable of posting correctly grammatical, understandable poems in whatever language they do so desire.
This is not a language. This is a string of random words.
