i'm waking up

angry      
unchain me    
insanity releases me    
this shit sets me free      
only to return to a place that doesn't miss me    
     
cigarettes      
really andy?    
we've done this      
it's just gets messy      
     
I'm searching for a feeling      
none of these drugs can deliver      
end up underwater swept down the user's river    
take another arrow  
plunge it deep inside    
I love the way it makes me shiver      
     
Fuck my liver    
I wanna get high      
The emotion I'm fleeing from      
has haunted me since I was young    
     
7 years ago I made a choice    
and I listened to that little voice    
   
temporary mental hiatus    
   
that's all it was      
when we took the drugs    
     
started with alcohol since I'm not an animal    
legal beagle never even contemplated the shit 'bad people' do    
society is evil      
for happiness to prevail I took the fabrics of fanatics and wove them into a veil      
     
it was sweet    
I loved the new people it helped me meet    
but then the veil started lying to me    
     
comfort and bliss    
forever and since the pipe hit my lips    
my soul needs a rinse      
I never wanted this    
     
I knew I was too fucked up to try it    
I was hooked from the first hit    
it really wasn't worth it      
     
It doesn't work as a coping mechanism    
It's a daily vacation ask my relations    
or even my best friend    
Sharing space but I rarely stay with them    
since the pipe became my new best friend      
Dylan, used to only get high with him      
then reality started to spin    
now I'm friends with Molly, Tina, shrooms and dexedrine    
     
The drink it calls me    
the drugs they want me    
they take my body    
and make it empty    
it's ironic      
how I stay on it    
starving in a land of plenty    
     
emotional loss of control      
it's like parole      
no matter what I do I can't go too far from home    
without the drugs it's like self abuse    
but i'm too fucked up to remember why I even use    
     
sober me see's what Andrew did to Andy    
or maybe what Andy did to me    
Skippy and Drew fled the scene      
I don't even know what I want from me    
     
There's a hole inside me    
I need to fill it, somebody help me    
I'm not crazy it's just my distaste for the world      
calls for it to be a little more hazy    
     
I spoiled me    
I never should have shown myself how great the world could be    
It's not that everything disappoints me I just feel like no one knows me      
     
that was the point though don't you see    
we got those memories out of me    
but wait, now I'm older      
the memories are back and the world got colder      
     
So I guess it's just a time machine      
creating voids until you're clean       
keeps you acting naughty    
and craving beauties that once were seen      
     
No wonder no one misses me    
I've been sliding downhill since I turned 13      
graceful as a beauty queen      
sleeping with needles, drink and everything in-between      
     
pills to sit still    
bottles when it's time to read the bills    
this little herb takes me over the hills    
and prescriptions are for when I feel ill    
     
i'm waking up    
but i'm still half asleep    
that's why this writing is kinda shitty    
It's time for me to take control    
and wrap my will around my bones       
there's no need more blood to spill    
I just have to grow up and I know I will