No missed calls while the wallpaper peels

Entered for specialjeff's 'depression' competition.

Viddax, this is a keeper, as is all your lit.
 
You need to stick with either "I" or "you" though. One is first person and the other is addressing a second, though I feel you may be talking about yourself in both observations.
 
Also, add "to" before the "be" in the last line.
 
You have keen awareness of surroundings, despite the introversion associated with depression.

 Don't lick any wallpaper glue now... :D

Thank you for pointing out those mistakes. I hate editing pems as its always a case of going back over the blueprints and seeing the building is wonky.

Damn, couldn't have worded it any better. Just the minor errors Artina pointed out. Other than that, bravo!

Thanks for that, though I am not sure the title is pithy enough.

As always, I love your work, but this one holds a special meaning for me. In many ways you've captured exactly what I have tried to explain to people in the most eloquent way.

Depression sucks, for everyone, but most especially for the living with it everyday, and I believe you've captured how it feels to live with it here perfectly, thank you ^.^

I wanted to convey that with depression the world does not stop, instead the world carries on regardless while I or you stay still for whatever reason.

Having someone understand is high praise indeed.

The "wallpaper of the soul" symbol is wonderful. It subtly evokes an image of a human as a house, like how we're compared to temples of the Holy Ghost in the Bible, and if the wallpaper's peeling in a house it signifies neglect, even abandoment. It's a really, really strong metaphor because it's so subtle and hides a lot of depth beneath a simple surface. Grammatical things: there's a question without a question mark ("Why does it have to be one-way anyway."), and when used as an abbreviation of "it is", "its" should be "it's".

I thought "its" was correct and that "it's" would be a possessive but it seems it is the other way round. No question mark as it is more of a rhetorical comment than true question. Those errors must have spoilt the flow though.

I must confess that "wallpaper of the soul" was born from thinking about Douglas Adams' book 'Long dark tea-time of the soul' and that kind of melancholic punchline. Or is that an oxymoron? No great in depth meaning just scrabble for pithy phrases.

An apostrophe ALWAYS indicates an abbreviation EXCEPT with proper nouns, where they become possessive ("Jane's bag", "London's theatres" etc.). I needed a while to get my head around that.

Still nowhere near as difficult as heiroglyphics even though those have no punctuation, and don't get me started on Klingon.

Wow.

I know.

I was in the room as i read, I know that doorknob, I can see it clearly, old, brass and white, I'm sorry I understand.

If you're close enough to see the doorknob then a few more eternal steps to freedom.

Wow.  I'm coming off an extended disease, and was suffering from hopelessness.  Now, I've drifted into melancholy, from knowing only one foreign language.  So many thoughts, but no sounds....
 
For me, the last sentence works better without "and" and "too"...  But, what do I know?

The poem would work slightly better without the 'and' and 'too' but only better as a poem of despair with depression and hopelessness.

The 'and' and 'too' hint at a better time and the vague possibility of a better time to come and of change. Despair is more profound with release just around the corner.

I like my depressive poems to have a hint of hope as otherwise I would be too bored with the poem and hate-filled for its despair to actually write it.

Thanks for the comment anyway. Knowing one foreign langauge is actaully a remarkable thing, I know parts of a few but never quite had the diligence to learn them well.

Ah, but I only know one language, and it's foreign...   "and", "too", subtle like the cooling puff from a butterfly beat...

Sounds like the old line about knowing two languages: english and bad english. Subtle butterfly wing beats break out into a storm of boisterous brilliance!

That's a good one, english and bad english.  A long time ago, my english sat scores were measured below most foreign students.  I said simply, "So, what's your point?" to the inquiring professor....

God, I love this poem.  I want to try to be adult like, and offer some useful constructive criticism, but, let's be honest, I'm blown away...  So, how about if I shoot for petty, childlike, criticism...

Some people close to me worry about depression, for them, and for me.  Part of my problem is with the word depression itself. Seems to have no practical meaning.  Have to search for the underlying symptoms, and possible causes, and address those, which generally comes down to more frequent, cheerful communication, or more participation.  Leads to my suggestion.  Try removing the references to depression, since, for me, it doesn't clarify.  Remove the line "And that's depression in a nutshell.".  Change the line "but with depression everything is on hold " to "but in my world everything is on hold".  

Also, I have a little trouble with "drowns that of the crumbled world inside", it doesn't seem to fit with "The sound of all life outside".  Try to change so there's sounds or echos inside.  Maybe "drowns echos from crumbled worlds inside."  I recognize older, more mature people, can see that "that of the crumbled" is similar to "echos from crumbled", but I have trouble with subtlety.  Or, maybe I just have troubles (without qualifiers).

End of petty criticism.

Better 'petty' criticism than none at all. I have tweaked the lines a bit, as it does seem rather pompous to talk about depression as though my view is the world view. It also seems to fit better that depression is a place rather than just a feeling, hmm.

Now the lines are:
"The sound of all life outside    
drowned and muffled in the crumbled world inside."
And that seems to fit my view better: depression drowns and muffles the sounds of life so that it is a not a silet land but a distorted land.

I am always happy when people enjoy my poetry but when they criticise them they always force it to be better, thanks.