deepundergroundpoetry.com
INNOCENT
You really turned me on with a sexy smile that didn't look so innocent. Sweet devouring eyes didn't intimidate either, I thought of faces you might make when you cum, like you do. After introductions and info exchange you say "I'm very good" walking away. Not seeing this coming, that night I knocked, you answered. Mouth fell wide open, you wearing a sheer red thong and sheer tank, hiding nothing. Inside I sat, you made drinks. After a few sips and some dirty talk we lean for a kiss. Half way in I palm a sexy breast. Ten minutes of hot tongue got me hard enough too ice sculpt. So sexy you can give my skin flute some blows, I stood. Slowly came down the boxers, at the tip, my pole sprang up hitting your chin almost biting your tongue. "Oops sorry baby". Between gorgeous lips, you took me in like the last lollipop. Working my throbbing, you played in your super wet honeypot moaning. Taking me too the brink you teased my head over and over with a talented tongue. Taking your pacifier, It's my turn too thank you. With long slow licks, loving the build up, I tongue your temple inside and out. Tongue inside you made hips rotate digging deep with long steady moans from delicious you. I can taste what you're thinking sweets. Cumming twice you push me away. Raising up for a kiss you whisper "Let me taste me". Tongue arrived before lips. Climbing on top, you lower your Hot and sizzling honeypot down the length of me. With intense groans you bounced and rocked convulsing in steamy pleasure, as I tried catching nipples in my mouth. A gripping match. After an hour or so of hot aggressive thrusts and grinds, the score was five orgasms to one, as you were greatly rewarded. And with a sexy satisfied smile, You still don't look so innocent.
Sir Lancelott
Sir Lancelott
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 21
reading list entries 5
comments 58
reads 1940
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re: INNOCENT
20th Jan 2014 4:57pm
Your passion is so clear. The woman is prisoner to your attentive charm. Nicely done too :)
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re: Re: INNOCENT
20th Jan 2014 5:54pm
re: Re: INNOCENT
20th May 2014 10:08am
"I can taste what you're thinking..." Agreed blue_angel. Fantastic imagery Sir_Lancelot. Can't believe you thought I would be JUDGEMENTAL! Lol!
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Re: INNOCENT
20th Jan 2014 5:10pm
re: Re: INNOCENT
20th Jan 2014 5:56pm
Re: INNOCENT
20th Jan 2014 5:22pm
re: Re: INNOCENT
20th Jan 2014 5:57pm
Re: INNOCENT
Anonymous
20th Jan 2014 5:34pm
Was this poem meant to be funny? Because a lot of its imagery and language strikes me as comic, like when you describe the narrator's penis hitting the woman's chin, or when you compare the penis to "the last lollilop", "lollipop" being a frankly ridiculous cliche. Also, the grammar deteriorates as the poem progresses. You mix up tenses ("turned me on"/"you say"), use "too" instead of "to ice-sculpt" (those latter words also needing a dash), write backwards ("inside I sit") and capitalise randomly ("Hot and sizzling").
I'd recommend really thinking about each line - maybe use line breaks to give each thought focus and clarity - and choosing more subtle images. "Honeypot" for vagina is quite creative, though, and there's a nice enthusiasm. Plus the poem made me laugh, which regardless of intent is a good thing, I guess.
I'd recommend really thinking about each line - maybe use line breaks to give each thought focus and clarity - and choosing more subtle images. "Honeypot" for vagina is quite creative, though, and there's a nice enthusiasm. Plus the poem made me laugh, which regardless of intent is a good thing, I guess.
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re: Re: INNOCENT
YES it's meant to be humorous to a degree. I write in MY own style. I appreciate your corrections but it's my way, period. And that line about "ridiculous cliché" you're only half my age, Hater. It did strike you as funny right? intent is Grand in my world..
Thanks for your input!!
Thanks for your input!!
re: re: Re: INNOCENT
Anonymous
20th Jan 2014 7:39pm
You asked for honest critique, so I gave it to you. If you only want to write "my way, period" and won't accept criticism, why ask for it? Just ask for friendly feedback or, better still, disable comments. I don't hate you or your poem. I even liked some of it, as I said in my comment, and I gave you a "like".
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Re: INNOCENT
20th Jan 2014 5:46pm
re: Re: INNOCENT
20th Jan 2014 6:13pm
Re: INNOCENT
20th Jan 2014 10:45pm
re: Re: INNOCENT
20th Jan 2014 11:57pm
Da Man Bro. SOUL you are appreciated more than you'll ever know much respect!!
re: re: Re: INNOCENT
21st Jan 2014 2:11am
Re: INNOCENT
21st Jan 2014 00:49am
Nothing innocent about the described happenings in this poem! I love it. ;). " 'Let me taste me.' Tongue arrived before lips."- that itty bitty portion of the piece strikes me as the least innocent. A little dirty, super sexy. Awesome job!
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re: Re: INNOCENT
21st Jan 2014 2:36am
Re: INNOCENT
21st Jan 2014 2:44am
re: Re: INNOCENT
23rd Jan 2014 3:57am
Re: INNOCENT
21st Jan 2014 6:18am
re: Re: INNOCENT
23rd Jan 2014 3:58am
Re: INNOCENT
21st Jan 2014 6:55am
this was Hot and Spicy!! enjoyed
Fav line: "I can taste what you're thinking"
Fav line: "I can taste what you're thinking"
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re: Re: INNOCENT
23rd Jan 2014 4:00am
Re: INNOCENT
21st Jan 2014 11:12pm
definitely nothing innocent happening here....
And with a sexy satisfied smile, You still don't look so innocent.
....this made me smile....
And with a sexy satisfied smile, You still don't look so innocent.
....this made me smile....
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re: Re: INNOCENT
23rd Jan 2014 4:02am
Re: INNOCENT
22nd Jan 2014 8:00pm
Ahhhh....my sexy Knight!
Such sweet sensuality, that thou hast scribed upon parchment!!
( "...hard enough too ice sculpt"--indeed!) She so surely knoweth how affect thy 'lance'(a lot) ;)
'Tis quite apparent that this comely young wench hath not one bit of innocence--though she tempts to taunt thee, with her beguiling smile of purity! :)
Thou hast kindled passions flames, with thy words!
Such sweet sensuality, that thou hast scribed upon parchment!!
( "...hard enough too ice sculpt"--indeed!) She so surely knoweth how affect thy 'lance'(a lot) ;)
'Tis quite apparent that this comely young wench hath not one bit of innocence--though she tempts to taunt thee, with her beguiling smile of purity! :)
Thou hast kindled passions flames, with thy words!
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re: Re: INNOCENT
23rd Jan 2014 4:04am
A special thanxx too you my sweet Sorceress!!!
Your presence is a blessing!!
Your presence is a blessing!!
Re: INNOCENT
Anonymous
23rd Jan 2014 9:07am
Smoldering sexy write Sir Lance, dripping in sensuality. Hot scribe!
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re: Re: INNOCENT
23rd Jan 2014 9:13am
Re: INNOCENT
23rd Jan 2014 2:33pm
re: Re: INNOCENT
23rd Jan 2014 8:17pm
Re: INNOCENT
24th Jan 2014 4:19am
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24th Jan 2014 5:00am
Re: INNOCENT
25th Jan 2014 1:11am
re: Re: INNOCENT
25th Jan 2014 11:24am
Re: INNOCENT
25th Jan 2014 10:34am
re: Re: INNOCENT
25th Jan 2014 11:35am
Re: INNOCENT
Anonymous
26th Jan 2014 00:26am
Riveting hot read, sexy, sensual and not so innocent. I like it.
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re: Re: INNOCENT
26th Jan 2014 1:06am
Re: INNOCENT
28th Jan 2014 1:11am
I read most of your encouraging comments
its rare to praise
and
sir u r one of your kind
we should try to emulate.
sophisticated
................eroticity
its rare to praise
and
sir u r one of your kind
we should try to emulate.
sophisticated
................eroticity
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re: Re: INNOCENT
28th Jan 2014 11:04pm
Thanks Bro. Again I'm humbled by the comment.
Let me ponder and I'll holla back.
Let me ponder and I'll holla back.
re: re: Re: INNOCENT
28th Jan 2014 11:21pm
Re: INNOCENT
29th Jan 2014 00:17am
We should treasure the innocence of a soul since making love to it will be the most beautiful thing on earth. Sexy write, Lance!
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re: Re: INNOCENT
29th Jan 2014 00:21am
Re: INNOCENT
30th Jan 2014 7:12am
Lance, I enjoyed the account here just curious when the recollection happened? Is this a description AFTER the heated exchange or more like a fantasy of what is so desired in the future?
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re: Re: INNOCENT
30th Jan 2014 7:25am
Re: INNOCENT
30th Jan 2014 6:49pm
re: Re: INNOCENT
30th Jan 2014 7:07pm
Re: INNOCENT
Anonymous
31st Jan 2014 4:27am
Oh ya!! Gotta look out for those smiles. LOL!!!! Mmmmmm! Enjoyed this sexy write. :)
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re: Re: INNOCENT
31st Jan 2014 4:29am
Re: INNOCENT
31st Jan 2014 12:40pm
Lmao innocent huh? This automatically made me
'Hear' Alexander O'neal's "Innocent" suddenly start to play in my head! lol loved this bro. Especially that "hard enough to "ice sculpt" lol seriously clever line bro! :)
'Hear' Alexander O'neal's "Innocent" suddenly start to play in my head! lol loved this bro. Especially that "hard enough to "ice sculpt" lol seriously clever line bro! :)
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re: Re: INNOCENT
31st Jan 2014 12:55pm
I appreciate that Bro Poe!!
The same song rang in my head after I wrote the piece.. Oh yeah and that other song of his " FAKE "
Thanks for stopping by Bro.!!
The same song rang in my head after I wrote the piece.. Oh yeah and that other song of his " FAKE "
Thanks for stopping by Bro.!!
Re: INNOCENT
VERY, VERY, VERY, Honest feelings portrayed beautifully!
Do you enjoy erotic prose as well as poetry? Sometimes, when I find a very good writer, I team write a story with him. It's presumptious in the SEX-dream to spring this on you out of the blue, so before asking you to get it on in a literotic project that could involve hours of creative work and actually meating at the climax (not to meet would be an anti-climax, see? ) Please read ( http://www.literotica.com/s/just-another-kinky-wet-dream-or ) & get back to me at: cum6inmy9mouth@gmail.com o.k., Sir-Your-Horny-Tail-Lanced-My-Holy-Soul-Horny?
Do you enjoy erotic prose as well as poetry? Sometimes, when I find a very good writer, I team write a story with him. It's presumptious in the SEX-dream to spring this on you out of the blue, so before asking you to get it on in a literotic project that could involve hours of creative work and actually meating at the climax (not to meet would be an anti-climax, see? ) Please read ( http://www.literotica.com/s/just-another-kinky-wet-dream-or ) & get back to me at: cum6inmy9mouth@gmail.com o.k., Sir-Your-Horny-Tail-Lanced-My-Holy-Soul-Horny?
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re: Re: INNOCENT
6th Feb 2014 7:53am
Re: INNOCENT
10th Feb 2014 2:29pm
re: Re: INNOCENT
16th Feb 2014 00:30am
Re: INNOCENT
19th Feb 2014 1:41pm
Full of ardor and passion...steamy hot! Could learn a thing or two from the master of erotica...
/EngrV
/EngrV
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re: Re: INNOCENT
19th Feb 2014 9:10pm