deepundergroundpoetry.com
Temptation's Eyes {w. Yemanja}
Flames flicker in your tousled hair
when you walk on the beach
sunlight boldly kisses your lotioned skin
and you smile your Ipanema smile –
I am tempted
Your eyes hide behind dark lenses
do you see me watching you?
take my hand
pull me from my dream
you’re a wicked sensation
you are temptation
and I am tempted…
-I feel the warmth
of your stare on my cheek.
I look up and steal
back to your stare.
You barely see me. It
is only desire that
you are registering.
-Actual and imagined.
Turning my gaze openly
to you, you scan my
face for evidence of desire.
My longing for you is less
raw than yours for me. Your
eyes never desert me;
You take my hand in yours
I feel the supple strength
the firm possessive reassurance
of your hand in mine.
-Taking me into seclusion.
Published 19th Jan 2014
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likes 9
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The author encourages honest critique.
19th Jan 2014 8:49am
This collaboration seems more interwoven than the previous one. This was composed under a different process?
I like this
"you scan my
face for evidence of desire."
Because it contradicts my experience of desire - it rather breaks through the other person's eyes in one glint, a flicker, and so does the other, thus the concurrence, we desire each other - happens very very quickly.
I like this
"you scan my
face for evidence of desire."
Because it contradicts my experience of desire - it rather breaks through the other person's eyes in one glint, a flicker, and so does the other, thus the concurrence, we desire each other - happens very very quickly.
19th Jan 2014 9:01am
Thanks, absinthe. this was the same process, I generally take the lead. I composed my verses, sent them to her, & shortly after she returned her response. she also posted it on her page...
19th Jan 2014 9:03am
This looks more like it was written by just one person!
Yes if someone takes the lead, it is easier. For me it is always a struggle! But of course, I just have a big ego, ahah! :)
Yes if someone takes the lead, it is easier. For me it is always a struggle! But of course, I just have a big ego, ahah! :)
19th Jan 2014 10:01am
What a wonderful collaboration!! You can hear the different voices as the verse flicks back and forth.
Really liked this :)
Really liked this :)
19th Jan 2014 11:06am
19th Jan 2014 11:34am
Lovely work Lad and Lass. This works a treat. Enjoyed immensely. Thanks to the both of you.
19th Jan 2014 3:42pm
For me it seems to be a word-duet on a scoveting rather than on an emotional level, more like a canon than a sequent melody. This makes the write so compelling. Nice work from the both of you!
19th Jan 2014 4:31pm
Lovely and sensuous. Their essence mingles softly and flawlessly around each other. You captured a soft still moment. Just adore it you two. Well done :)
19th Jan 2014 4:48pm
Great interplay between your two pens.
It's so right on, it does seem like one voice
Well done.
It's so right on, it does seem like one voice
Well done.
19th Jan 2014 5:57pm
by reading your poem I imaginatively listened "the girl from Ipanema" by gilberto and stan getz. much enjoyed, nice collab.
20th Jan 2014 1:54pm
Anonymous
20th Jan 2014 2:27pm
luvlee nuff sed rm
