Never known this before

There's nothing to say what can I tell you
that I didn't already wish you knew
nothing great here

I'm feeling everything and it all hurts
there's no respite from thoughts
just guilt
which turns to hating yourself
and loving the parts of you that hate yourself because you know that they're all so lonely.

Everything I had that could have killed me
has turned all at once
and clearly there was a jam or everything got stuck
somewhere
because this equilibrium
isn't fun
and I'm hanging in ways I've never known
and never wanted to

As I'm mentally shortening my time
there doesn't seem anything so wrong
with bleeding onto duvets
and

I'm so sorry if you're reading this and caring
because there's no need

that vacancy was filled and deserted as someone pressed self-destruct

go on watch this machine go up in flames
and with each second more begin to realize that I was actually human.