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BOUND

Bound in a prison
of my own making
a Christ who's risen
a Christ awakening

once deaf to laughter,
dumb in prayer,
blind to an ever after
already here
�
a dread of others
healed by the grace of good
remembered brothers
now understood
�
our mission driven
our goal to be free
the gaoler forgiven
for the gaoler was me.

Written by whale

Published 8th Jan 2014

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Re: BOUND

Anonymous

8th Jan 2014 2:41am

S1's latter two lines seem to contradict its opening ones. A risen, awakening Christ is glorious; he's been saved from mortal death and will soon be ascending to Heaven; whereas you've established your narrator's imprisoned.
I really like L2 of S2, which is a simple yet marvellously effective way of conveying unanswered prayers. The idea of already being in a state of grace ("ever after/already here") is very interesting, too.
I feel that "good" should be "goodness" in L2 of S3, though I get that you're contrasting "good" with "God". L2 and 3 of S4 are perfect, like the last line of an Aesop's fable or some old Asian riddle. I'd suggest removing all punctuation and capitals from this poem, as without a strong supportive meter all they do is hamper your rhythm. That's only my opinion, though.