deepundergroundpoetry.com
TRACED
Rising sun mocks the ripples
That slit this city in two
That carries my ashes
That laid by you
My face bathed in tears
Traced your face
Nameless times
On the margins
Of our physical form
Sat by your slender arm
Tenderly waiting for you.
That slit this city in two
That carries my ashes
That laid by you
My face bathed in tears
Traced your face
Nameless times
On the margins
Of our physical form
Sat by your slender arm
Tenderly waiting for you.
Published 6th Jan 2014
| Edited 7th Jan 2014
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likes 11
reading list entries 0
comments 16
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
6th Jan 2014 2:23pm
Subtle grace!
6th Jan 2014 7:03pm
Anonymous
6th Jan 2014 6:06pm
lyked it!
6th Jan 2014 7:04pm
6th Jan 2014 9:23pm
A compelling piece, my friend!
Within,and between,your lines, lie the delicately complex intricacies of implied emotions...
(the lovely, bitter-sweet sorrow when 'soul-mates'
are separated...)
I truly 'felt' this tender scribe
Within,and between,your lines, lie the delicately complex intricacies of implied emotions...
(the lovely, bitter-sweet sorrow when 'soul-mates'
are separated...)
I truly 'felt' this tender scribe
6th Jan 2014 10:16pm
6th Jan 2014 11:13pm
6th Jan 2014 11:39pm
Anonymous
7th Jan 2014 6:07am
"Slits" and "carries" in S1 shouldn't be plural, because "ripples" is plural, so they're slitting and carrying as a group, not a single entity, if you understand me. The blurring of identity in S3 is a nice touch; love makes us one and so forth. S3 is my favourite, as it's the most sophisticated in its ideas and presentation.
7th Jan 2014 8:16am
Anonymous
7th Jan 2014 7:51am
Very touching and beautifully scribed with soft lines. The first stanza is outstanding, capturing the emotions felt drawing the reader in. Loved it!
7th Jan 2014 8:17am
7th Jan 2014 1:42pm
7th Jan 2014 4:28pm
10th Feb 2014 2:51am
11th Feb 2014 5:28pm
