Reflection

I stood on the porch this morning,  
 
Smoking my first cigarette of the day.  
 
The best smoke in my opinion.  
 
 
I was thinking about my writing,  
 
How I'm compelled to ryhme  
 
I thought I have to stop this.  
 
I think the rhyming comes from my schiz.  
 
Though it's getting better lately,  
 
 
I still hear voices, they have always been with me.  
 
I thought instead of ryhming I would tell a story,  
 
So here it goes,  
 
 
I'm a married lady who struggled  
 
With heroin addiction since I was seventeen  
 
I got on a Methadone program to kick this addiction  
 
But instead became addicted to Methadone a synthetic heroin.  
 
 
I've never really written until eight months ago.  
 
When my schiz. became out of control  
 
And I just decided I wasn't taking my methadone anymore.  
 
 
This made me crazier,  
 
So I was locked on a psych ward for 45 days  
 
It was a hellish nightmare kicking the drug  
 
Hitlers scientists had invented.  
 
 
My voices grew out of control  
 
I was climbing the walls.  
 
When I was released I started to feel compelled to write.  
 
I'm not sure why, having no formal education,  
 
In writing all I did was rhyme.  
 
 
I wrote a poem about liking to be torn apart  
 
By mean poets but the truth is who really wants to be rejected  
 
Told their honest efforts are crap?  
 
It was a sarcastic poem.  
 
 
My schiz. doesn't allow me to work a normal job  
 
I'm too paranoid, the last job I had was at a hospital  
 
I freaked out because I thought I was being followed  
 
And they had a secret society watching the camera's planted,  
 
Through out the building.  
 
 
I want to learn to write better.  
 
I thought you had to have flow or rhyme in poetry.  
 
I guess that was the old way.  
 
 
I'm here to learn something about writing,  
 
Since i'm compelled to do so.  
 
I have to do something with all the anxiety and crazy thoughts,  
 
That go through my brain.  
 
I would like to learn to do it in a way that is tasteful and more like art.  
 
Not graphic or rhyming crap.  
 
 
I've observed some really talented writers here.  
 
I'm not sure it's in me to write art.  
 
Maybe for me it will just be therapy.  
 
Will see.