"You know I loved you."

And you said...  
 
 
 
The flowers are limp and we're a mass of cascading ebony.  
I will not change  
from the final suit I wore for you.   
Without you what will I do living here?  
"You know I loved you."    
I don't know how to fix the washing machine,  
where's the main switch in the fuse box?  
I've stopped knowing the quiet life, the simple life, being a timid wife   
and started living a life similar to Mary Todd Lincoln.  
See, I never understood why ma' was locked up  
when pa' got fucked and broke his back o'er seas, bad luck. 
I was never going to be white jacketed and wired up.  
No man was going to lock my heart in his eyes 
but now I'm in silence and his corpse is crusted beneath the weight of soil.  
Fucking where's the justice?  
I'd planned hours in the kitchen  
and kisses after lights out.  
I'd planned tots drawing on the new carpet  
and instead there was a crimson stain.  
Clumsy sod.  
Ha.   
Sinister humour is all I have left,  
to trip over his own feet going for a piss.  
Why didn't we have an upstairs toilet fitted?  
Yet I'll never confess my limp secret, like the flowers were limp.
I see their ears prick up.  
"You know I loved you."    
You ended it the day before,  
wonder how  
you wound up broken,  
little drummer,  
on my nice, new carpeted floor  
from the top of the stairs.  
"You know I loved you."    
People keep saving prayers for me at my front door  
and praying for a sinner with a Wicked Mind and a wicked disguise.   
Clumsy angel, peacefully, rest in your hole.  
I've been waiting a long time  
to accept defeat  
and fall at God's feet.  
I sit at church Monday to Sunday  
praying he will not damn my soul  
and you said "You know I loved you."