deepundergroundpoetry.com
Alone Beside Me
Watching blood flow
CRIMSON
It's stunning, almost like
FLOWERS
It sickens some to the
CORE
But brings peace and
COMFORT
To some
I know there are others,
Others like me
And because we cannot
FIND
Eachother
We can cry
.
..
...
Alone
...
..
.
Together
CRIMSON
It's stunning, almost like
FLOWERS
It sickens some to the
CORE
But brings peace and
COMFORT
To some
I know there are others,
Others like me
And because we cannot
FIND
Eachother
We can cry
.
..
...
Alone
...
..
.
Together
Published 3rd Feb 2011
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likes 2
reading list entries 1
comments 4
reads 794
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
3rd Feb 2011 2:46am
3rd Feb 2011 7:57am
together alone we cry. simply stunning. we share similar emotions and you portray them well in this poem ! great job i must say x
3rd Feb 2011 3:37pm
It needs a little work, I don't mind being your honest critic because I truly like your style. I think you put too much faith in the bold, capital, spacing rhythm working for you though. Take out the dots, strip it down, the words work for themselves and personally, I would use a different word to 'some' it's too general and vague. Maybe change cry to bleed as that's what you are talking about or change crimson to tears. Other than that it works, onto your next poem TBT. Nice work.
5th Apr 2012 7:19pm
