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deepundergroundpoetry.com
Play With Me
"Let your tongue slide,
Slide down my chest.
Let your digits softly,
Oh, so softly, caress.
Baby, play with me.
Play with my,
My most intimate of places.
While we lay in eachother's embraces.
Play with me,
Finger in my molten snatch.
Play with me, baby,
Let's play a game."
He'd played the game well,
He played until I came.
Until I convulsed and contracted,
My walls gripping his hand,
I was rather distracted.
Too distracted to look in his eyes,
Too distracted to see my suprise.
His head dipped down,
And down slid his tongue.
He played as an Olympian now,
Perused as a judge.
He licked and sucked
At my feminine sludge.
Slide down my chest.
Let your digits softly,
Oh, so softly, caress.
Baby, play with me.
Play with my,
My most intimate of places.
While we lay in eachother's embraces.
Play with me,
Finger in my molten snatch.
Play with me, baby,
Let's play a game."
He'd played the game well,
He played until I came.
Until I convulsed and contracted,
My walls gripping his hand,
I was rather distracted.
Too distracted to look in his eyes,
Too distracted to see my suprise.
His head dipped down,
And down slid his tongue.
He played as an Olympian now,
Perused as a judge.
He licked and sucked
At my feminine sludge.
Published 4th Dec 2013
| Edited 5th Dec 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 1
comments 10
reads 1809
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
4th Dec 2013 4:21am
Like the idea here.. But the first stanza does not match the second and third. The first one is as if you are talking TO your partner, but the second and third are as if you are talking ABOUT him and what he's doing.
The poem could use some proof reading. Check some spelling and grammar... And consider some of the words you used to rhyme things.. For instance "feminine sludge" honestly doesn't sound very erotic.. The term was kind of a turn off for me.
The piece has potential... But it's a bit rough. Go over it a few times and make a few edits and it would be a quite sexy piece.
Hope I didn't come off as harsh. The more you write, the more you improve! :) welcome to DUP, I hope you will make yourself at home here.
The poem could use some proof reading. Check some spelling and grammar... And consider some of the words you used to rhyme things.. For instance "feminine sludge" honestly doesn't sound very erotic.. The term was kind of a turn off for me.
The piece has potential... But it's a bit rough. Go over it a few times and make a few edits and it would be a quite sexy piece.
Hope I didn't come off as harsh. The more you write, the more you improve! :) welcome to DUP, I hope you will make yourself at home here.
4th Dec 2013 4:28am
Thank you, for the critique. Harsh is good sometimes. The tense was meant to change. First talking to, and then about.
Feminine sludge was meant to be dirty, not sexy. It honestly sounded gross to me- and that's why I wrote it :-)
Feminine sludge was meant to be dirty, not sexy. It honestly sounded gross to me- and that's why I wrote it :-)
Anonymous
4th Dec 2013 7:17am
<< post removed >>
4th Dec 2013 10:48am
6th Dec 2013 2:10am
I like the sweet way your pen loves you!!!
Excellent write sweets!!
WELCOME TO THE D U!!!
Awesome read!!
Sir Lancelott
Excellent write sweets!!
WELCOME TO THE D U!!!
Awesome read!!
Sir Lancelott
6th Dec 2013 2:17am
Thank you! It's not so much the pen as it is the curser! I made this one up as I went. :)
6th Dec 2013 2:24am
21st Dec 2013 7:26am
He played as an Olympian now,
Perused as a judge.
He licked and sucked
At my feminine sludge.
I smiled and laughed and enjoyed the ending
Cap't Ron
Perused as a judge.
He licked and sucked
At my feminine sludge.
I smiled and laughed and enjoyed the ending
Cap't Ron
9th Jan 2014 4:33am
My wooden pen…
comes only for sexy poetry...
and for all, …
not 4 anyone in particular…
I love people who love me cum …as all my love is imaginashun…
so shun me not …read me …
let my cum, cum freely …as you wiggle with your with fingers only …
friendly be my cum for all,
partake it… if at all …
with a punch of salt …
rum and whisky et all…
choice is entirely yours
comes only for sexy poetry...
and for all, …
not 4 anyone in particular…
I love people who love me cum …as all my love is imaginashun…
so shun me not …read me …
let my cum, cum freely …as you wiggle with your with fingers only …
friendly be my cum for all,
partake it… if at all …
with a punch of salt …
rum and whisky et all…
choice is entirely yours
20th Oct 2015 11:41pm
Delectable run thru... No need for punctuation with shortened format. Only when you want it to mean something. Lots of good references. Very inviting. Keep Grindin CAOS737
