Cancelled my subscription

Not really sure what I think of this one, E, but I like it. My only ish would be IMO the ending ended too abruptly, could be a little neater rounded out, but otherwise no probs. Good jpb.

Peace, Indie :)

ahh, Miss Indie

I'm really not sure what to think of this one either, I'm trying to embrace diversity and although I've covered the subject a few times, figured this was a different way of expressing it.

I kind of agree with you about the ending, I'll come up with something more rounded in no time at all

thank you for dropping by and leaving your thoughts

The vagueness and bitterness of this poem works in its favour. With a minimalist's sense of precision you evoke some harrowing images and ideas. The third chapter is especially brilliant, equating God with a jailhouse thug. That's really quite a neat and lovely evocation of fate. My only suggestion would be to maybe give chapter one some more images, but I can see how opening with little might boost what comes later.

DrownedJenkins

only in the last day or two, I've had a conversation with a fellow poet about minimalism and I figured I'd try pull it off  ...wait I think I'm mixing up two conversations

I'm glad my thoughts weren't alien, I like the jailhouse thug analogy, I think maybe a line or two more in the first might not be a bad idea.

cheers for stopping by m'man and leaving your thoughts    

I cancelled mine when I was 12... Good write.

ahh petit one

sorry to hear that, thanks for dropping in and leaving your tiny footprint

Fuck yeah. I wasted my money on that shit too. I don't think it needs the numbering, the jagged edges around the stanzas still fit together, and the title holds it all together pretty well. That makes no sense but i feel like a fucking hurricane. I probably could have just said I liked it.

 DystopianMelody

yeah, looking at it now, I think you may be right about the numbers. i posted it it in a comp first with no title, so the numbers were a bit more important there,here I think I might get away with removing them, I'll see how it looks


thanks for flying in good sir and leaving your batprint

Seems like a lot of personal thoughts here...cryptic...but applies to many subjects of life...that's tricky to do-Wicked Write Sir-I'm thoroughly depressed now...
Good Luck in the Comp. Lep.!!!

 souladareatease

personal thoughts are applied here liberally right enough good sir, thank you for your time and words.

I heard toast is good for depression but I'm not sure if it was a psychiatrist or a baker who said it.

"the last time a god spoke to me he held my head down a toilet and laughed" I liked that so much I immediately read that line out to a mate I was chatting to on skype at the time.  And he liked it too  :-p
"They , have something to say about everything" They sure do ... part of the reason they grate so much, grrr.  I like the title: evokes the idea of having had to pay over and over, that it wasn't worth it, and that you're going to pay no more.  Nice work, Sir

 Kaatho


haha, jaysus, I don't think I've had a compliment quite like that before, thanks for the smile, maybe it'll end up on that Fosters ad where the two blokes answer phone calls

thank you kindly for the visit dear lady, always a pleasure to see your words  

The last stanza is superb, i can take that to any philosophy forum and it will get so many different responses and being numbered actually makes one pause and think, it could all be related or none.  
Each one can stand on its own and that conversation on simplicity worked wonderful on here.
Good one Craic!

Vee

thank you kindly for dropping by dear Lady, I'd love you to take it to a forum and see what kind of responses you get.

I think I'm inclined to probably leave the numbers there, I took them away briefly to see if I'd be happy to leave them out

yes, most definitely a productive conversation, thank you

  

Good of you to say sir, your name is Dirt here  :D

For me, it's at those poignant moments talking to a god on the white telephone that a lot of life changing decisions can be made. I guess, with or without faith one must always believe in themselves to make those changes.

Well written, Mr craic. I think my ear has adjusted to your accent on this piece, but that the beauty of art, it's open to interpretation and it's cool to get a kick out of different perceptions.

As always, your writing has sparked much thought with your observations and philosophy. And I think the numbering works as it makes sense with the comp, but also in context.

Case, talking, pleading, bargaining all moves for a change in some direction.
 
(it' a little known scientific fact, that we make our best choices, decisions while having a piss ...I shit you not ...pun not intended)
 
thank you kindly good sir for your encouragement and analysis
 
I'm always delighted to have sparked some thought ,so  that's pretty cool too
 
Thanks again  good sir, for your presence and words  

Dear Sir Craic,   
     
I believe you took my reference to the white telephone to the other end of the spectrum...
     
I was referring to "Calling Uncle Ralph on the big porcelain telephone, driving the porcelain bus, hugging the china goddess, the psychedelic yawn, tossing a sidewalk pizza, praying to the great ivory idol, whistling beef, pashing the porcelain princess, speaking dutch, liquid laughter, blowing chunks..."
     
something tells me I'm way off the mark again. :)
     
Cheers man, I enjoyed your response.

ahh, not at all good sir, you just reminded me of one of the thousands of quirky facts I picked up from watching QI, not sure if you get it in the states, but here's a taste of it :

http://youtu.be/6uEJbwGYaDs


enjoy :)

tushay, Craic.

I do enjoy catching the odd episode of QI and I appreciate your wit, which is often dry like the smoke that blows.

And for the record, you had the wrong colony, i'm from the new and improved Wales down south.

I never subscribed, sod commitment :)  

Interesting piece Eamonn.  A risky thing, the head down the toilet.  Great stuff. :)

haha, you lie, I'd bet five toenail clippings you sang in the church choir, or sang your little welsh heart out from the pews :)

I think, for me anyway that the 'penny dropping' moment was a kind of growing up.

DrownedJenkins mentioned the bitterness apparent and when I read over the piece I can see it too, I don't actively feel bitter as such. I do dislike the Vatican and what it actually stands for.

It was a huge disappointment though, loving something, or the idea of something, then actually taking a step back and looking at it all, hard to explain the feeling


thank you kindly for dropping by miss, and for your words :)

Haha, you lose, but you can keep the toenail clippings, I was too mischievous as a child to ever be trusted in the house of God, they made me wait outside the gate.  :)


I think that can be said for so much in life, if one actually takes a step back and looks at it all, shame we are not taught that early in life. I get what you're saying though, I've been agnostic for a long time.   Question everything. ;)

 

I thought this was on the money.
Well done and good points indeed.
Zazzles

thank you for dropping by  and leaving your thoughts, Zazzles

if I were you, I'd be modeling ;)

lol I knew I liked my new haircut!
Thanks.
Zazz

Good write E :)

why thank you fallen one

great to see you back in this ol' place :)

Awe you know me...I disappear for a bit and show up out of no where :)

this is me without subject or form or thought... where writing is an exercise to amuse a stagnant mind.

quite lovely!

Thank you kindly sir, a grand comment indeed coming from yourself

I find it hard to pin down the best formula for writing in terms of timescale,  sometimes quick writes work great while other times long thought out ones work well also, that said,  in my own experiance both can turn out quite shit too.

thanks for dropping by my humble abode here sir and leaving your thoughts

quit it with that 'sir' shit... you're freakin me out! lol

really enjoyed the turns of this - thanks for this...
but of course you know your genius line:
"the last time a god spoke to me  
he held my head down a toilet"

Is a baptism of a sort

Whale

welcome to this place

I was of the mind they were all genius lines, but that's an inflated ego for you.

ahh yes baptism, very good, I hadn't thought of that one, punderfull stuff :)

thanks for dropping by, good sir and leaving your thoughts

  

"the last time a god spoke to me he held my head down a toilet and laughed", to make god laugh is no small feat and worth any old soppy lair i'm sorry sob from the dying sinners he gets ad infinitum ad nauseum anyway, well and perhaps you pissed him off because he saw this poem in your future, on a personal note (your care surely less than for me than god but I digress)having had my head plunged in a bowl by my hostile mates after serious deliberate and drunken provocation i should add, they bellowed with deep raucous joy to see me emerge a tumbling mad pissy merman from the head, I fought them till I bled, sorry never crossed our tongues, on a good day they think i'm a mad devil leading them to hell, neither of us care about that but we love each other anyway, maybe you and god can do the same... kinda new to these woods, and i love the words you have scribbled all over the electric light of these glass pages, may hours of reading to go

"The shamans of any given situation" resonated with me. Interesting. Cool brother.