A Broken Heart

Just close your eyes....
Clear your thoughts....
And listen....
Listen closely to the pain in my voice....
The method of choice with words I chosed to use...
slowly unraveled breaking the chains that weighed heavily on my heart....

Witness the view of a dreamer that's fading...
To a place called memory lane...
Remembering happy moments I had with my family....
But now it seems it was just a dream...

That every year at the table...
We were considered as one,,,
Not split into increments that we no longer fit...
Just a kid for 21yrs still wishing the same birthday wish...
That we could be one holding hands together...
Confused with anger always seeing my parents and brother arguing...

Accepted love from my parents they bound to protect me with,,
Fed me lies to forever cover the truth...
What's worse for the reason I have so much hate that has always been ....you....
The mother that had her heart in the right place...
Always thought she knew what was best...

Ever thought to just let me go with my father and watch your seed grow.?...
Having a plan that's been set for me all I had to do is to take the plan and go....
I couldve followed into my brothers footsteps the prints he left in the sand...

A gift from god so talented could live the dream only a philosopher could ever dreamed of...
Now your washed up walking to a different path....
Teared up choking seeing you broke me  I always looked up to you...
Asking why asking why throw it away and continue the mistakes you made...

Growing up my father always told us our eyes will open...
And one day see the truth....
Paying attention of what my brother always been through...
I realized he gave it up so I could have a better future...
To protect me from judgement day that lied ahead...
Torn between love and hate I wanted to cry but voice of my father....

Always told us we couldn't cry to toughened up...
So I bottled up my emotions grabbed a pen and paper and this is how I began to write...
How I was better off from the world no more fighting over me,,,
Trying to protect me proving a point who's right or wrong...
I could finally look down on my own funeral seeing my family finally as one,,,

An image that replayed in my head...
Over and over again...
But how can you have so much hate...
If my mother did what she thought was best,,,
A father did the best he could do under my mom and the laws circumstances...

A brother with a rough history took the heat and blame....
To only to protect me for me have a dream that he seen in me,,,
Fast forward to present day now your locked up based on rumors,,,
I'm struggling to chase a dream you've seen in me...
To a mother that blocked the sun into letting me shine and see her seed finally grow...

A father I almost lost but since then living stressed free...
No longer having a black cloud pouring with hate because why be mad if you know the answer...
Since your in jail you asked me to take your place...
To be a father figure to the kids you left...
Now my mother and I always argue seeing different views...

They say history repeats itself...
Now I'm my brother in his shoes what he been through...
Feeding my baby brother and nieces lies to make sure they have a future....
So emotionally damaged I have no strings attached to feel what it feels like to feel any emotions...

I'm you with a dream I'm still chasing ...
Same kid wishing the same birthday wish...
A role model for the kids....
Looking back being two people there were days I lost myself...
This time...this time I have a voice...
Same person with a broken heart