I have a mind that echoes with white noise and TV snow clogs my veins
Coffee brings out the chaos in the pit of my stomach
I know that's it more than chemical reactions in my brain
The anxiety and frustration just becomes a little more intense
and procrastination is more difficult to sustain
as demons work their way into my lungs, trying to claw through tissue
like sunshine slashes through rain.
Contentedness is the 30 second interlude to my rhythm-less symphony
And happiness is something I've felt more often than I've ever been allowed to share
banging keys on pianos like a two-year-old plays pots and pans
and shushed and eyed with that, "what the fuck" look
only to be gushed to about how the perfect pair of shoes matched with the best song on the radio
makes other people cry as though they finally realized all the hidden messages of an Dr. Seuss book.
I spent a decade censoring my thoughts,
worried that someone might read them
and wither in devastation.
I spent a half dozen years bitching to fix things
people broke like cheap plastic watches
so, even though I couldn't keep track of the time myself,
I mastered the sun dial to try and keep them ticking for a while.
Coffee brings out my chaos
focusing it into giggles
and incoherent thoughts at 5 am.