deepundergroundpoetry.com
chasing water
raindrops run down the black top
chasing bike tires and teardrops.
I wanted to grow up before you
but I always seem to be
someone not intended.
me.
your hair seems to grow faster
darker, thicker
fine.
I caught up in time
water running backward
laughter an arch in mind
I think I'll miss my heart the most.
as the birds start to fly around and around and into the ground.
chasing bike tires and teardrops.
I wanted to grow up before you
but I always seem to be
someone not intended.
me.
your hair seems to grow faster
darker, thicker
fine.
I caught up in time
water running backward
laughter an arch in mind
I think I'll miss my heart the most.
as the birds start to fly around and around and into the ground.
Published 8th Nov 2013
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likes 10
reading list entries 1
comments 12
reads 1006
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
8th Nov 2013 2:31am
This the third poem in a row I've added to my reading list, must be a night for it.
All I could think of was losing an older sister. Chasing bike tires and teardrops is a perfectly moment you captured, and the pause after 'me.' was a line in itself. I'd say it gets better if I didn't know first hand how bitter and empty those words are.
All I could think of was losing an older sister. Chasing bike tires and teardrops is a perfectly moment you captured, and the pause after 'me.' was a line in itself. I'd say it gets better if I didn't know first hand how bitter and empty those words are.
8th Nov 2013 2:48am
8th Nov 2013 2:40am
some of the verbage or whatever is a little...clumsy, but overall a great poem.
8th Nov 2013 2:49am
8th Nov 2013 3:41am
I caught up in time
water running backward
laughter an arch in mind
i don't know if i'm presuming a word or two, or missing the device at play
water running backward
laughter an arch in mind
i don't know if i'm presuming a word or two, or missing the device at play
8th Nov 2013 12:08pm
Anonymous
8th Nov 2013 4:49am
Another wonderfully poignant, thoughtful poem WIUTB, love the imagery!
Anonymous
8th Nov 2013 12:14pm
I like how you always manage to create a special atmosphere through your poetry. Your words just draw me in...this was a bit recognizable, I thought of my own sister actually....
8th Nov 2013 7:50pm
9th Nov 2013 1:17am
a child in awe of an older sibling. can you ever be as perfect? 'I think I'll miss my heart the most' is the focal point of the poem, poetic purity...
9th Nov 2013 7:28am
My read of this was a little different - maybe biased because I work with middle schoolers ... It read to me like a young girl who can't capture the heart of her first love
(crush) ... He's older by a year or two - and at that age it's forbidden to cross that line.
Wonderful write
LSP
(crush) ... He's older by a year or two - and at that age it's forbidden to cross that line.
Wonderful write
LSP
30th Dec 2013 5:45pm
The idea of the circling birds is haunting. That to me always portends either a storm or some carrion left on the ground.
