deepundergroundpoetry.com
You
There is something so beautiful in you.
It can never be taken away.
It is perfect in its simplicity and form.
It lives within you every day.
There is something so beautiful in you.
It is distinct in its tone.
It is omniscient in its vision
and stands on its own.
There is something so beautiful in you.
It is always there,
have you forgotten? It is relentless in its vigil
and masked only by your fear.
There is something so beautiful in you,
indefatigable in its mission
and it can be resurrected with only a whisper
in any time, place or situation.
There is something so beautiful in you.
And, in me too.
Published 22nd Jan 2011
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The author encourages honest critique.
23rd Jan 2011 6:18pm
At first I thought you were writing about an attribute of a person but the second read I get the idea that it may be about a God who lives within us. What attribute could be separate from the person and have such resolve? It's an interesting idea but if it's a God, this poem is more relatable.
I think the first stanza and the ending are a little weak but the three middle stanzas are excellent.
I think the first stanza and the ending are a little weak but the three middle stanzas are excellent.
23rd Jan 2011 7:59pm
a touch of God, but really a poem about individuality and the best part of self-love. I wanted it to begin slowly, though, and build it up as i went along.
the ending i did struggle over, taking the last two lines out and then putting them back again. Thank you, ed--jim
29th Mar 2011 6:47pm
Generally words like indefatigable and omnicient are red flags for those looking for "props" when using them. In this case, however, I think they lead to a question of who "you" is (or is that are?), and that makes for an intriguing piece if in fact it is about a higher power. If not, those words are definately "sore thumbs"
