Role Play

 
I used to think I knew me.
Who I was, what I was about.
And I guess I did, to a point.
What I knew, really, was the
Character I created.
See, early on, I learned to dislike myself
And, as I grew, I reinvented myself into
Someone I thought people would like better,
That I liked better.
I borrowed personality traits from those I admired,
Made them my own, and combined them.
I worked it so hard that I started to believe it.
Then I did believe it.

My isolation in recent years has allowed much
Of this construct, this façade, to fall away.
My true self has begun to emerge.
Suddenly, everything is better.
I'm no longer forcing anything.
I realize that I had been forcing EVERYTHING
For most of my adult life.
I lost myself by not being true to myself,
By selling myself out.
Now, I realize that my authenticity is the only thing that matters.
Some people are actors. I am not capable of that.
I tried to play a role and it drove me mad.

I used to wonder why no one heard my voice.
Now I know it was because it wasn't mine.