Euan isn't coming home

I struggle to accept you're gone,
It doesn't seem real,
it isn't real.
 
quando omnia aliorum deficiunt
 
I've lost you,
alongside all my hopes and fears
sorrow can't be suspended.
I haven't anything to lose
now that I've lost you.
 
I could tell,
you would've grown old
you would've looked just like me
same jaw, resembling smiles
and you would've had your mother's eyes.
a deep sea blue, anchoring into my soul.
 
I'll scream to you
into the sky.
I'd be better off believing
that somehow, you could hear me.
 
Hear me scream my love,
and to hear my confession
that I lay down
for  the world to see.
 
mors in tenebris manet
 
You were brought to me, cold
and barren.
The first time I held you,
I held you dead.