The Teddy Boy

When yer old and yer don’t look bold
Some folk take the piss
They make remarks like ‘wotcha pop’
Disrespectful things like this
I met a young bloke in the park
A cheeky little bugger
He says give us yer wallet right now pop
I am your local mugger

Wotcher say lad? Do speak up ‘cos I am rather deaf
And when yer gets ‘ome clean yer teeth
‘Cos you’ve got stinking breath
He moved in close and shouted
I want’s yer bloody cash
I shoved two fingers in his eyes
Quick as a lightening flash
And while the lad were screaming
Holding his head and such
I nudged him in the happy sacks
As me knee caressed his crotch

You’ll need t’ be better than that I said
Or yer’ll be on yer way to heaven
I used to be a Teddy Boy
In nineteen fifty seven

I don’t think he were listening
As he rolled upon the ground
And so I searched his pockets
And liked what I had found
I took his music player
It were called an MP3
Elvis now sounds marvelous
Just the thing for me

I took his mobile phone as well
It’s on that Inter-web
Now I watch pornography
Courtesy of that pleb
Then with a last joyful kick
I took me booty home
Now he’s feeling rather sick
And leaves me well alone.

 (And let that be a lesson to all cocky little shits!)

Brief explanation for our younger readers: Edwardian dress was all the teenage rage in the fifties. The short form of Edward is of course Ted hence Teddy Boys.