The Exorcists

 There’s a haunted house up on the hill
Very quiet, very still
They say folk who've been up there went mad
From evil spirits very bad
Exorcisms have been done
But failed to shift them, nary a one
We went up there the other day
To let our grand kids have a play

We thought if we scared the little gits
Frightened them clear out their wits
They’d let us have some peace sublime
Stop mithering all the bloody time
We can’t keep up we’re out of breath
And of us they’ll be the death
So we thought up this cunning plan
We’d get our own back me and gran

In they ran and saw a ghost
Now I'm usually not the one to boast
But instead of screaming on the run
They simply thought they’d have some fun
Granddad we set his coat alight
It scorched his arse gave him a fright
Next we saw a giant spider
So we all sat down beside her

She wouldn’t read us a fairy story
So we splattered her and left her gory
Next upstairs under the bed
We found a man without a head
How do you eat we all asked him
No wonder he was looking thin
He tried to chase us, give us a scare
So we kicked his backside down the stair

Oh gramps we've had a smashing day
Can we come back soon to play?
They went again but came out sad
Not a jot of fun they’d had
The ghost’s had left after the riot
Looking for some peace and quiet
Now we make great cash from our little shits
We hire ‘em out as exorcists