Virgin Loss

       
I didn't much know what sex felt like until I was      
     
putting some 'Burts Bees' brand foot creme on a cracked heel      
     
when some of it spilled on my , well, my penis.      
     
Who the heck got to name our body parts anyways?      
     
Who invented the word 'penis'?      
     
well I had to wipe it off, and that was a mistake, the      
     
foot creme got all over my hand, so I just got frustrated and grabbed my penis, to wipe it completely from all that burts bees creme, and it got all over itself, and the more I wiped, the harder the job became, when at some point I realized I was starting to daydream, or something, something went wrong with my heartbeat as my heart started to beat faster and faster, and my hip muscles pulled upwards, and my prod thrust skyward...      
     
well, I didn't have any idea what was going wrong, so I called the customer care number on the burts bees label, and it was an absolute coincidence that the call center was just in the next town over, and the lady on the other end told me to just hang on, and that she would be right over to my house to solve this product defect and give me a refund so I told her my address      
     
and sure enough it was like less than 30 minutes when my doorbell rang and this very ugly woman was at the door, but I must admit, besides her face having too long of a nose, she was actually quite attractive to me so I let her in,      
     
but being shy, I had wrapped a towel around my private area whereupon I asked her if she would like a cup of coffee,as I am a big coffee drinker and she accepted so I went in the kitchen and when I returned I found her lacking,      
     
lacking in clothing that is, so much a startle to me that I spilled her coffee on my towel, thank god for that towel, as it was scalding hot and I was able to toss the towel away just in time before I suffered any horrible disfiguring burns.      
     
I stood there facing her, several metres away having a loss for words or actions when my porker began to bob up and down, its length growing with each pulse      
     
She reclined on my 'Savachi' Italian leather couch and pointed her toes skyward, which I believed she perhaps was trying to communicate with me using body language, to try to imitate the actions of my penis, which, I noticed, she lacked, perhaps she was shy about it, as her hand was covering that area, well most of it, as I could not notice where the latter half of her middle finger was at the moment.      
     
I had been told about this, how women lack a penis, and I always wondered how they peed.  Her hand remained over her private area, but her expression was inviting me over to her, which to me was a contradiction in actions to invite yet hide at the same time.      
     
But I am a modern man, I know the ways of the world, and I realized that she was playing a 'get to know you', ice breaker game, and she wanted me to remove her hand, like opening up the lid on a jewelry box so I took several steps forward and removed her hand  her expression took the turn of a frown      
     
I noticed that I could now see the latter half of her middle finger, which gave me some relief, as I originally was beginning to think that perhaps she had lost it in a childhood accident, perhaps getting it caught when an electric car window was rolled up, or having it slammed in the hinges of a door.      
     
It was quite wet looking, though. Her pained expression continued, so I let go her hand, and it fell back into place, and she gave a little bit of a convulsion, although her expression seemed pleased, so I concluded that I had done the right thing.      
     
I, inwardly, felt satisfied, as I have always aimed to please others throughout my existence.      
     
Her inviting face,now, unexplainably, though, still seemed to want me to play her 'get to know me' game, so I took the lid off the candy jar one more time, but watching more carefully this time, I noticed her extreme sense of pleasure, as if she was enjoying a good chocolate bar, as I pulled her hand back, slowly this time, and I also noticed that her finger re-appeared from INSIDE her body! I had considered my self knowledgable of the ways of the world, having studied the sears catalogue throughout my teenage years, but now, come to think of it, those areas in the bra and pantie section, always were covered by the products being sold!      
     
I realized I knew nothing. Absolutely nothing.  So, in that moment, I set about letting this woman, who, I had not yet had the pleasure of learning her name, to be my Sherpa guide up Mt. Everest. I pulled her hand completely away, and studied the strange and hairy lips before me, with a pink mouth and no discernable teeth.  Soon her face began that frown, but I learned what to do next, letting her hand, this time, guiding it back into place, and watching her intense shudder, and her mouth open,      
like a fish gulping.      
     
This was strange as soon she was indicating that her hand needed to be taken away, then released again, and this happened over and over, until it occurred to me, that there must be some treasure, deep inside of her that needed reaching, or scratched, but her finger just was not long enough and looking down, my fingers also of about the same size, well, would not have done much better      
     
The doorbell rang again, 'UPS', the man said, and both she and I froze, I put my finger to my lips. After several knocks, the disturbance passed, but it gave us a little time to get to know each other, as I watched the concern on her face melt away, and you know, well that nose was starting to grow on me.      
     
I had been told, that , to solve a problem, sometimes it is best just to put the matter aside, and later on, a solution will present itself, and just such a thing happened at that time as I realized that the length of my penis, just shy of six inches, was a fairly good probe for this situation, so, gesturing to her, she removed her hand, and I brought my penis closer, maneuvering my torso and knees onto the couch, when she let out a yelp as my metal watchband,scratched the side of her buttocks, and in frustration I took that watch off and threw it.
   
The moment almost spoiled,  taking some moments to bring ourselves back into position I finally, for the first time in my natural born life, inserted my little pole into strange depths, of which I proceeded slowly, very slowly.  
     
I felt drawn to go deeper, making note of her expression of  gasping, and my own tingling slide. Upon reaching bottom, I could not tell if anything was down there, however she appeared much pleased. I slowly began pulling outwards, having learned our little game with her hand, and indeed, she responded with extreme delight as the motion continued.  Having reached the entry, the red tip of my gland pulsed and throbbed, and her hips rose to swallow my chopstick back inside.  I realized I was scratching her itch, and realized she was scratching an itch I never knew I had, with her slippery ribbed surroundings.  I clutched her upper torso, bringing her two breasts to mine but before I covered them, I reached down with my mouth and licked her red nipples, hard as they were, with no reason on my part, other than some infant suckling instinct coming to the forefront of consciousness.  The rythym steadied, then quickened, as I thrust over and over, as a tightness overcame my scrotum and testicles      
     
when soon a pulse traveled along my penis about once a second, repeating itself unto the seventh pulse whereupon I found myself stuck in the 'in' position, unable to bring myself to pull out, but she seemed OK with this new change, whereupon, my grip on her buttocks slowly released, and a certain sleepiness overtook me.      
     
When I awoke, I found myself alone on my Italian leather sofa,      
thinking about the strange dream I had just had.