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deepundergroundpoetry.com
illusions and delusions of life
illusions and delusions of life
each day alive on this earth is a nightmare for me, an addiction from birth
its called being born, for what its worth
exchanging pleasentries with strangers, just to feel part of something
anything as long as its real, pain is real, any type of pain
phisical, mental, emotional,
most people dont want reality, they prefer pretence, a copy, a fake
i live with this concept every day, and i hate them for it, i am decaying
trying to survive, amonst aliens, outsiders
my migraines wont go away, they are my painfull friends, they bang and bang
and bang, inside my head, pain pain pain, unberable head cracking pain
lasts for hours and hours and hours, even days, lying alone in a dark room
curtains drawn, thump pain, thump pain, thump pain, feels like someone
pounding the side of my head with a hammer,
then comes the dizzyness, vomiting, stomach cramps, acid working its way
from my gut to my throat, burning yellow acid bile,sweat dripping , body trembling
panic attacks, hyper ventilating, stress anxiety, deppression, darkness alienation
an outcast, heart is racing, im scared, i am always scared, of who and what i am
what i am capable of, if the monster inside of me escapes, noyone is safe
the doctor tells me to take pills, the counciler asks me how i feel
and to share my sadness with her, the well being team pretend to understand me
then report me to social services, the go between dr and psyciatrist
says you need to see a psyciatrist right away, you have issues
i score high on her madness chart, she has concerns
the psyciatrist asks, what do i think is wrong with me, i reply i have issues
he listens to my sob story, then diagnoses me,
unstable emotional personality dissorder, and sad syndrome , deppression
brought about by horrific childhood experiences, bravo thinks i
tell me something i dont know,
he concludes , theraphy each week, with a trained therapist, and anger managment
i go back to my dr with the good news, he smiles and says leave it with me
months go by, there are no spare thrapists, you are on a long waiting list
so my struggle continues, any optimism i had is slowly dissolving
the system is failing me again, the devil inside me smiles, and says i told you so
each day alive on this earth is a nightmare for me, an addiction from birth
its called being born, for what its worth
exchanging pleasentries with strangers, just to feel part of something
anything as long as its real, pain is real, any type of pain
phisical, mental, emotional,
most people dont want reality, they prefer pretence, a copy, a fake
i live with this concept every day, and i hate them for it, i am decaying
trying to survive, amonst aliens, outsiders
my migraines wont go away, they are my painfull friends, they bang and bang
and bang, inside my head, pain pain pain, unberable head cracking pain
lasts for hours and hours and hours, even days, lying alone in a dark room
curtains drawn, thump pain, thump pain, thump pain, feels like someone
pounding the side of my head with a hammer,
then comes the dizzyness, vomiting, stomach cramps, acid working its way
from my gut to my throat, burning yellow acid bile,sweat dripping , body trembling
panic attacks, hyper ventilating, stress anxiety, deppression, darkness alienation
an outcast, heart is racing, im scared, i am always scared, of who and what i am
what i am capable of, if the monster inside of me escapes, noyone is safe
the doctor tells me to take pills, the counciler asks me how i feel
and to share my sadness with her, the well being team pretend to understand me
then report me to social services, the go between dr and psyciatrist
says you need to see a psyciatrist right away, you have issues
i score high on her madness chart, she has concerns
the psyciatrist asks, what do i think is wrong with me, i reply i have issues
he listens to my sob story, then diagnoses me,
unstable emotional personality dissorder, and sad syndrome , deppression
brought about by horrific childhood experiences, bravo thinks i
tell me something i dont know,
he concludes , theraphy each week, with a trained therapist, and anger managment
i go back to my dr with the good news, he smiles and says leave it with me
months go by, there are no spare thrapists, you are on a long waiting list
so my struggle continues, any optimism i had is slowly dissolving
the system is failing me again, the devil inside me smiles, and says i told you so
Published 15th Sep 2013
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