Just a matter of time

This is becoming to much I'm doing drugs and I'm doing all of this because I'm just trying to get rid of the pain and I keep hoping it will help me get over Britt but I just fucking can't
I love her so much
She doesn't see that and she obviously doesn't want to try again
She loves Lachlan Bradley
And it's tearing me apart
I seriously can't do this
It's killing me slowly
It's helping with the smoking though but it's still bad that I have to snort fucking cocaine to quit smoking
I think I'm starting to become dependant on weed and speed
But anyway the after affects are the worst
It's just every time I take these things the pain goes away for about an hour or so and then I have to put up with this fucking coming down affect and every time It happens
I swear I can feel myself getting closer and closer to killing myself
Because the pain from Britt is hurting me and so is the pain from doing drugs
Last night I curled up in a ball and cried all night
Because I thought my stomach couldn't take it anymore
And my heart is going to stop soon
So it's just a matter of time
Maybe it's better for Britt if she hates me
Then she won't be hurt when I leave
I am just so scared and i don't know what to do anymore
I guess I just have to do whatever I have to do before I'm gone

It's just a matter of time