tear the ocean

 Hey baby
I'm watching glitter
burst into fireworks
illuminating a bonfire
that should never
have seen an ember
flick

I know how you loved
watching the ashes
discharge irrationally
just like we did
growing up

if I didn't sip this bottle
like a baby
nourishing formula
I'd throw it into the flames
and nuke
the fucking life
I'm watching dance
in misplaced happiness

please
let me fling
the tears I wish we could share
into the sky
so I can enjoy the perfect super nova
along side your innocence
in a silence
that never whispers my mistake
like it has since you abandoned me
so many (few?) years ago

I'm everything
we hate(d)
baby girl
everything
they are
even when nobody is looking
I'm the girl
you avoided
and secretly wanted to be

how many
shity indie bands
will write the wrong songs
before I find you
again?

I know you're with me
every time I vomit
alone
holding my hair
and protecting me from the gunpowder
I snort
so I can feel the icy touch
of death
fall
in cowardice
down my throat

I know it
but
it's easy to forget

It's mute
when I scream
a vinyl record
ripped down the spine
and I hate
my favorite songs
now
yesterday
the year
before last

I crushed a rose
with a pipe
it resembled you
strung out
unholy
lonely
real
numb
home
with me

I'm still holding
the Galveston blood moon
between my fingertips
when I caress
the ocean
but I don't want it's waves
pissing on my memory
anymore

darlin'
I just want to know
why it wasn't me
instead


































































































the irony
is dry
and god
is a humid breeze
wet on my lashes
tearing the ocean
tonight