deepundergroundpoetry.com
smoking drinking fucking
right now
I’m not drinking
smoking
or fucking
but I must still be allowed
to enjoy the smell of cigarette smoke
on a cold crisp morning
and one glass of rum
to a hard-sailing crewman
is not the drinking
that drunks do
and I must be able to say
I’m pretty sure
that a good looking woman
with perfect skin
is hitting on me
she's 28 and tasty
curves in all the good places
brown as I like my breakfast toast
makes me feel old
in every bone
but one
has got a boyfriend;
young surfer type
him oblivious to it
although you never know;
surfers ride the waves
if you see what I mean
but
a woman like her
I think
is going to hear wedding rings
if I come knocking
at her knickers
with wine
which is all a part of why
I’m not smoking
drinking
or fucking
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likes 15
reading list entries 2
comments 27
reads 1280
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The author encourages honest critique.
Re: smoking drinking fucking
10th Aug 2013 1:50pm
Well expressed and written hemi.
This made my face light up... "makes me feel old
in every bone
but one "
This made my face light up... "makes me feel old
in every bone
but one "
0
re: Re: smoking drinking fucking
10th Aug 2013 1:59pm
Cheers TL...was pretty sure that'd get a smile our of someone :-)
Good on you and your enthusiasms :-)
hh
Good on you and your enthusiasms :-)
hh
Re: smoking drinking fucking
10th Aug 2013 1:52pm
You have been a bit quiet lately. None of that staggering in and throwing your poems all over the floor, walking out naked into the forums asking what's for breakfast. It is good in the way that the structure turns back on itself to end where it starts. The stanza about "the woman like her" may be a bit too complicated in the way that the words twist. Very slow through the turns there or we wind up off the road. I got it eventually so if you leave it that way it ain't a bad thing. Stop by more often. We don't always have to get plastered here.
0
re: Re: smoking drinking fucking
10th Aug 2013 2:08pm
Mate...always a pleasure :-)
I hear you about the stanza...tripped up on every read-through...might sit better now, or is possibly just a dubious idea :-)
(yes, been quiet as a mouse...other pots to burn and fingers to fry...figure I'm just filling up again, or waiting, or the moment has passed...the dog reckons I should try swimming out to chase sticks...)
hh
I hear you about the stanza...tripped up on every read-through...might sit better now, or is possibly just a dubious idea :-)
(yes, been quiet as a mouse...other pots to burn and fingers to fry...figure I'm just filling up again, or waiting, or the moment has passed...the dog reckons I should try swimming out to chase sticks...)
hh
Re: smoking drinking fucking
10th Aug 2013 2:42pm
re: Re: smoking drinking fucking
11th Aug 2013 3:03am
Bloody hell...a comment by splendid...I must have been extra nice this month :-)
Cheers my dear, and nice to hear your fingers do the talking :-)
hh
Cheers my dear, and nice to hear your fingers do the talking :-)
hh
Re: smoking drinking fucking
cute. and not in a condescending way, cute as in tidy, wraps around easily on itself. Quick and straightforward goals (drinkingsmokingfucking), and accomplishes them swift and neat. I find it a bit refreshing in that way, and an interesting enough voice to have appreciated reading
watch your "going hear wedding bells" thinking ya missed a "to". The "if you see what I mean" sticks out as a little to me as sounding too personable, not sure why, but it does stick out for me a little. aint shit though.
Cheers man!
*edit post script: I do like that the measure of life here is matter of factly, by how much one is smokingdrinkingfucking.
watch your "going hear wedding bells" thinking ya missed a "to". The "if you see what I mean" sticks out as a little to me as sounding too personable, not sure why, but it does stick out for me a little. aint shit though.
Cheers man!
*edit post script: I do like that the measure of life here is matter of factly, by how much one is smokingdrinkingfucking.
0
re: Re: smoking drinking fucking
11th Aug 2013 3:06am
Ah well Lb....a man has to have some yardsticks, and smokingdrinkingfucking could work :-)
The 'if you see what I mean"...yes, perhaps too personable...i've been putting them into to all sorts of rubbish lately, and then carving them out just as quickly, so you're right....down with 'if you see what I mean', if you see what I mean :-)
Cheers man, especially for the bastard missing word.
hh
The 'if you see what I mean"...yes, perhaps too personable...i've been putting them into to all sorts of rubbish lately, and then carving them out just as quickly, so you're right....down with 'if you see what I mean', if you see what I mean :-)
Cheers man, especially for the bastard missing word.
hh
Re: smoking drinking fucking
10th Aug 2013 3:44pm
You may not leave me for any beautiful perfectly shaped wild woman that could possibly thrill you in every way.. and it's hard not to bookmark everything you write. i read it like i'm being baptized in liquified religion. i was going out of my mind not being able to sexually harass you and read your poetry.. i will never take it for gran tit (that can't be right spell check sucks nuts) again.
0
re: Re: smoking drinking fucking
11th Aug 2013 3:08am
Yes D...spellcheck has lied to you :-)
I'm pretty sure I know where you can buy liquified religion....pretty sure you do too :-)
Cheers my dear, for sticking around.
h.
I'm pretty sure I know where you can buy liquified religion....pretty sure you do too :-)
Cheers my dear, for sticking around.
h.
Re: smoking drinking fucking
Anonymous
- Edited 10th Aug 2013 5:26pm
10th Aug 2013 3:50pm
<< post removed >>
re: Re: smoking drinking fucking
11th Aug 2013 3:10am
Well hell...why don't you call me Old Sport Captain and be done with it...although it does sound like some shitty airport cologne...which is good enough :-)
Cheers for the stop-by and word-love.
hh
Cheers for the stop-by and word-love.
hh
Re: smoking drinking fucking
10th Aug 2013 4:53pm
"I'm not smoking
drinking
or fucking"
Lemme see, this one leaves me waiting for the NEXT poem, where it's not about measuring the crumbs of this old formula...
I liked
"is going hear wedding rings
if I come knocking
at her knickers
with wine"
Clever phrasing for sure.
drinking
or fucking"
Lemme see, this one leaves me waiting for the NEXT poem, where it's not about measuring the crumbs of this old formula...
I liked
"is going hear wedding rings
if I come knocking
at her knickers
with wine"
Clever phrasing for sure.
0
re: Re: smoking drinking fucking
11th Aug 2013 3:12am
God damn it A....it's the bloody lessons again isn't it. What if I just decide to not learn...seems like at least then I'll always know what my problem is :-)
Thanks for love on that stanza...was pretty shit on the first post, so carved this version to sit better....nothing finer than love on last-minute edits :-)
h.
Thanks for love on that stanza...was pretty shit on the first post, so carved this version to sit better....nothing finer than love on last-minute edits :-)
h.
re: re: Re: smoking drinking fucking
11th Aug 2013 7:30am
hemihead said: If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got
A smart arse move on my part, I know. *shrug* you're welcome...
;)
A smart arse move on my part, I know. *shrug* you're welcome...
;)
0
re: re: re: Re: smoking drinking fucking
11th Aug 2013 7:42am
Re: smoking drinking fucking
10th Aug 2013 5:08pm
re: Re: smoking drinking fucking
11th Aug 2013 3:13am
Re: smoking drinking fucking
11th Aug 2013 00:02am
Hilarious! ... brown as I like my breakfast toast ... Great line!
Final stanza - classic!
Final stanza - classic!
0
re: Re: smoking drinking fucking
11th Aug 2013 3:15am
By christ, you know you're doing it half-right when the wolves get fired up about it :-)
Had toast for breakfast this morning..actually had a go at getting the toast the colour I was describing....the toast could not be saved.
Thanks man.
h to the far corners
Had toast for breakfast this morning..actually had a go at getting the toast the colour I was describing....the toast could not be saved.
Thanks man.
h to the far corners
Re: smoking drinking fucking
I most def like the make me feel old in every bone but one that I do like and the last stanzas as well this was a drunken pleasure to read thanks for the drink
0
re: Re: smoking drinking fucking
11th Aug 2013 3:17am
Ah nice....love reading when I'm drunk, as long as I can still keep the words on the page, so happy to hear I added to the writings that a drinker can use :-)
Cheers, twice over.
HH.
Cheers, twice over.
HH.
Re: smoking drinking fucking
12th Aug 2013 2:12pm
Cool AA love poem Hemi. :)
You got to watch those surfers, they're pretty switched on or they're just too busy smoking, drinking and fucking.
You got to watch those surfers, they're pretty switched on or they're just too busy smoking, drinking and fucking.
0
re: Re: smoking drinking fucking
13th Aug 2013 7:11am
Ah well mate....I think this bloke might be more the S.D.F kind :-)
Good on you for the stop-by.
hh
Good on you for the stop-by.
hh
Re: smoking drinking fucking
Anonymous
13th Aug 2013 00:52am
nicely trimmed, hem. The personality comes across as cool without hinting at any crassness -- "tell it like you see it and tell it with a grin" seems apt to me, an all-too-neglected style of poetics.
Wait... were those semi-colons? Getting all hi-brow on us, man.
Wait... were those semi-colons? Getting all hi-brow on us, man.
0
re: Re: smoking drinking fucking
13th Aug 2013 7:12am
Mate...it was only a matter of time before the semi-colons came back to bite me...have fallen a bit in love with them, even if they are damnably close to the scourge of punctuation :-)
Nice to see you in the house man.
h.
Nice to see you in the house man.
h.
re: Re: smoking drinking fucking
15th Sep 2013 11:07am
Mate...damn fine to have you in the house :-)
As for the rest, sometimes I feel like i can do it, and sometimes i don't...probably both lies :-)
Good man s, for laying down your word-love.
H.h.
As for the rest, sometimes I feel like i can do it, and sometimes i don't...probably both lies :-)
Good man s, for laying down your word-love.
H.h.