The Numpty of Noo

With a respectful nod and wink to the great Edward Lear    
   
The Numpty of Noo had a face like a shrew  
And a belly so bulbous and fat  
Although he was king this silly old thing  
Slept on the floor like a cat  
   
One day it was raining he was curled up complaining  
There just was no fun in the land  
This ruling lark’s draining I need entertaining  
An execution he mused would be grand  
   
Saddle my mule cried Numpty the fool  
I must see my cousin in town  
For if he is willing I’ll pay him a shilling  
To watch his dear head falling down  
   
His cousin said great! I simply can't wait  
To take part in this plan that you've hatched  
And although I'll be 'late' I'll be talk of the state  
And I'll sing before I'm dispatched  
   
Now I don’t want to quibble but will you pay double  
A shilling ain't much of a fee  
And I'll do a card trick which looks rather slick  
Oh boy you’ll be glad you chose me  
   
Then after the axe as I lie and relax  
Resplendent in coffin of oak  
I could cause a great hassle by haunting your castle  
And carry my head for a joke  
   
Now just hold on you I'm king of Noo  
The most important man in this land  
I'll be star of this show I'll have you know  
It's me who ought to look grand  
   
I’ll stride round the stage looking noble and sage  
And sing 'em a song of my own  
With wave of my hand a drum roll from the band  
Then do a back flip off the throne  
    
With my neck on the block they'll look on in shock    
The attention will all be on me    
As my head's falling off I'll let go a great laugh    
Think just how famous I'll be    
    
And so it was done and Numpty was gone    
But his fame isn't sung in great halls    
Known as Numpty the numb his legend lives on    
In graffiti on lavatory walls