Off  the pills

I Have these dreams
Were i watch myself bleed & scream

I Cry out a name that i dare not say
I'm in a place, I dare not be
Have you seen my wrist,
I call it art, you call it proof
To my self-slaughter

I have these nights that drag into day
As i sit on my window seal
& watch the golden beams bring life to this awful place

I hate it, why can't i just watch the stars for all 24 hours
Then again... Am i truly awake to see any of this?

They have me on these pills
"They'll help you i swear."
Took 'em for a while
Life was getting better
But the little things still kept getting to me
My stars never came again
The golden beams disappeared
& I didn't fight anymore, i just took everything in.

I figured the doses weren't working
So i tried to take them all at once
Then found myself In between Worlds,
Praying Either heaven or Hell would acquire my Soul.
Turned out, Neither, they both forfeited.

"Why are you doing this to me??" She screams
Shouldn't i be saying that,
I want to live a life which i decided to breath or sleep.

My mind was so clouded
When you tricked me into these doses
How did it ever make me better?
Hiding the problem,
Turning me into a zombie,
I wasn't able to see the stars or the Golden light.
How was that living,To never see the things i enjoyed?
I might as well have been dead.

That wasn't help, That was selling my soul for control.
Trying to maintain your role.

Fuck your help, My self demise is beautiful.
Its like you all said, things happen for a reason

So I'll have these dreams
Where i watch myself cry & Bleed

As i sit in my window seal losing all of my color
Painting these white walls with my feelings

Telling these people i only have what i believe in
"I'd rather be dead than to live a way i don't wish to."