Relatively Speaking

Your niece is nice but it seems to me
That a girl with an economics degree
Wouldn’t vote for Labour
You’d think she’d have more sense
How can such a clever girl
Be so bloody dense?

Then there’s your uncle Ernie what a crashing bore
Banging on about Baghdad
And his part in the war
You’d think he’d won it by himself
With all his glory tales
When it comes to killing parties
Uncle Ernie never fails

Your sister’s clothes are far too young
For a woman of her years
She should dress more stately
Not dolled up to the ears
Skirts up round her backside
Too much make up on her face
Batting eyes at all the men
In her forties? A disgrace!

Your mother’s such a trial
Can’t we put her in a home?
One of god’s departure lounges
She wouldn’t be alone
All the other biddies she have for company
We could visit her once a year or so
Then I’d have more time for me

And so it goes on and on
It really isn’t funny
I think I’ll shove her down a cliff
For the insurance money
But then the bitch would haunt me
She’s an evil sod that way
So I must grin and bear it
Until my dying day :-(