deepundergroundpoetry.com
"Once Upon A Time. . . Forever & Always"
May 13th.
"Once upon a time. . ."
I can't believe I forgot, that my favorite number is always a reminder of my first stupid move in the game of love. The reminder of a boy that fell in love with a girl in her fifth grade class picture, the reminder that I was so lonely that the thought of a guy liking me made me fall head over heels in love and then pine over him for four years of my life until I was nothing but a heap of a broken hearted girl crumbled on the floor of her bedroom staring at her phone-- It shouldn't matter now, writing this down makes me just as bad as Her, thinking about past lovers only but it will be reminder forever.
Forever & always, my favorite number combination is a reminder of my first love and first heartbreak. Never met him, never saw his face, heard his voice only once-- maybe twice but he will always linger somewhere in my life.
1308, my favorite number combination is a reminder of my mistake.
13 is my lucky number and the the date of his birthday.
8 is the infinite number, sideways becoming the sign for infinity-- Forever and always.
It was his favorite number because it meant forever and always.
That's what he said to me, that's why he came back but he was there and then he was gone.
A car crash--
A broken man that never healed--
And a girl that adored him until the point that she broke her own heart to get over him, with numerous other people.
Through a texting service.
Through a website.
Crushed by a crush in chorus class.
And then finally leading me to the ring leader of the circus herself, the girl that broke me to the point that I left without a proper goodbye and the baggage of a person that's been all around the world and picked up something every where she went.
All because of forever and always.
All because of my mom and her best friend.
All because my mom's best friend had to have a son.
And he had to see my picture.
And he had to say that I was pretty, and tell all his friends that I was his girlfriend.
And then I had to fall, and fall, and fall until I crashed on the ground with my wrists bleeding and my heart shattered.
I never knew my first love, but I never forgot him either. Which is really weird because it's hard to remember someone you've never met, but it same goes for trying to forget them too.
Back up-- Baby back up, did you forget everything? Back up-- Baby back, did you forget everything?
Does he think about me now?
Will I meet him one day, and what will he say when I say that I am a taken pansexual girl with a kid?
What will he say that I remember his favorite color, that he wrote me a song and that he didn't have the guts to call me and tell me he cared about me.
That he let me wander around aimlessly looking for love.
That he let Avril and Taylor comfort me with their songs of heartbreak while I cried and screamed about how much I hated him and wanted to be loved and how he had promised me, promised me, promised me.
I sound like my character in my story.
I never did get to properly vent this one out of my system, I ran my relationship with Alexis dry until I had nothing left but an apology to give and deep breaths to take.
Where here I am venting this one out--
So here's to you Nathaniel M., here's the girl in the black dress with the brown eyes with the hazel speckles in them. Here's the girl in the picture, does she keep you company on those lonely nights? Here's the girl that waited by the phone and cried every time certain songs would play, the girl that thought you would save her from her abusive step-father-- the girl that thought you would make everything all better. The girl that is writing you a poem and naming your name personally-- Because you're the reason that I am such a hopeless romantic now, I was very happy living in my life where I pretended that I didn't like people, male or female because I didn't understand sexuality yet. And then you messed with everything, you said I was your girlfriend and then you were gone.
I never met you.
And you didn't even have the guts to call me and apologize for breaking my heart and stringing me along.
Well I've moved on, far from you-- So far that you'll never see me, maybe you'll read these words someday and feel like the ass I know you are. I have a new boyfriend now and he's better than you'll ever be, and I have a child-- And I am happy.
Believe it or not I was able to move from the floor, turn off the phone and continue my life. I suffered alot of blood and tears but I've gotten to the point where I am happy. But I still think of you when I here the phrase "Forever & always" because I know that you didn't mean it. So now everytime the 13th of May comes around I ponder about you and what you're doing and I hope that you think about me, every day of your life and I hope that you wish you had called.
Because now it's too late, I'm already gone.
For, forever & always.
"Once upon a time. . ."
I can't believe I forgot, that my favorite number is always a reminder of my first stupid move in the game of love. The reminder of a boy that fell in love with a girl in her fifth grade class picture, the reminder that I was so lonely that the thought of a guy liking me made me fall head over heels in love and then pine over him for four years of my life until I was nothing but a heap of a broken hearted girl crumbled on the floor of her bedroom staring at her phone-- It shouldn't matter now, writing this down makes me just as bad as Her, thinking about past lovers only but it will be reminder forever.
Forever & always, my favorite number combination is a reminder of my first love and first heartbreak. Never met him, never saw his face, heard his voice only once-- maybe twice but he will always linger somewhere in my life.
1308, my favorite number combination is a reminder of my mistake.
13 is my lucky number and the the date of his birthday.
8 is the infinite number, sideways becoming the sign for infinity-- Forever and always.
It was his favorite number because it meant forever and always.
That's what he said to me, that's why he came back but he was there and then he was gone.
A car crash--
A broken man that never healed--
And a girl that adored him until the point that she broke her own heart to get over him, with numerous other people.
Through a texting service.
Through a website.
Crushed by a crush in chorus class.
And then finally leading me to the ring leader of the circus herself, the girl that broke me to the point that I left without a proper goodbye and the baggage of a person that's been all around the world and picked up something every where she went.
All because of forever and always.
All because of my mom and her best friend.
All because my mom's best friend had to have a son.
And he had to see my picture.
And he had to say that I was pretty, and tell all his friends that I was his girlfriend.
And then I had to fall, and fall, and fall until I crashed on the ground with my wrists bleeding and my heart shattered.
I never knew my first love, but I never forgot him either. Which is really weird because it's hard to remember someone you've never met, but it same goes for trying to forget them too.
Back up-- Baby back up, did you forget everything? Back up-- Baby back, did you forget everything?
Does he think about me now?
Will I meet him one day, and what will he say when I say that I am a taken pansexual girl with a kid?
What will he say that I remember his favorite color, that he wrote me a song and that he didn't have the guts to call me and tell me he cared about me.
That he let me wander around aimlessly looking for love.
That he let Avril and Taylor comfort me with their songs of heartbreak while I cried and screamed about how much I hated him and wanted to be loved and how he had promised me, promised me, promised me.
I sound like my character in my story.
I never did get to properly vent this one out of my system, I ran my relationship with Alexis dry until I had nothing left but an apology to give and deep breaths to take.
Where here I am venting this one out--
So here's to you Nathaniel M., here's the girl in the black dress with the brown eyes with the hazel speckles in them. Here's the girl in the picture, does she keep you company on those lonely nights? Here's the girl that waited by the phone and cried every time certain songs would play, the girl that thought you would save her from her abusive step-father-- the girl that thought you would make everything all better. The girl that is writing you a poem and naming your name personally-- Because you're the reason that I am such a hopeless romantic now, I was very happy living in my life where I pretended that I didn't like people, male or female because I didn't understand sexuality yet. And then you messed with everything, you said I was your girlfriend and then you were gone.
I never met you.
And you didn't even have the guts to call me and apologize for breaking my heart and stringing me along.
Well I've moved on, far from you-- So far that you'll never see me, maybe you'll read these words someday and feel like the ass I know you are. I have a new boyfriend now and he's better than you'll ever be, and I have a child-- And I am happy.
Believe it or not I was able to move from the floor, turn off the phone and continue my life. I suffered alot of blood and tears but I've gotten to the point where I am happy. But I still think of you when I here the phrase "Forever & always" because I know that you didn't mean it. So now everytime the 13th of May comes around I ponder about you and what you're doing and I hope that you think about me, every day of your life and I hope that you wish you had called.
Because now it's too late, I'm already gone.
For, forever & always.
Published 2nd Jul 2013
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