deepundergroundpoetry.com
Snap.
Billows of worn gold and cigarette smoke hasten in from the east,
your presence scurrying under the rug, rearing over the morning:
playing both the part of lion and mouse, the ghost and the man.
You fall as waves, cascading into silence.
Turning around, I begin to write.
I used to own a pair of wings, I try not to remember.
You were the urge against the white, telling me let go;
curling content into the mind games and tight-rope safety systems.
My feathered, ruffled sense of being, warping itself into branches.
Stubborn, stiff, branches.
Snap, and you're dead.
Snap. Snap. Snap.
I spent a lot of time being a sailor on the crest of forgiveness,
wandering my mind with Jesus revealed in split-second illusions.
Until the paper drew me captive, a pen in hand, a mind in the other.
I write the night into the page and the day into the night;
battling through my conscience to drown out the
Snap.
Waiting for the tension to melt, so I'll bend.
I won't break.
your presence scurrying under the rug, rearing over the morning:
playing both the part of lion and mouse, the ghost and the man.
You fall as waves, cascading into silence.
Turning around, I begin to write.
I used to own a pair of wings, I try not to remember.
You were the urge against the white, telling me let go;
curling content into the mind games and tight-rope safety systems.
My feathered, ruffled sense of being, warping itself into branches.
Stubborn, stiff, branches.
Snap, and you're dead.
Snap. Snap. Snap.
I spent a lot of time being a sailor on the crest of forgiveness,
wandering my mind with Jesus revealed in split-second illusions.
Until the paper drew me captive, a pen in hand, a mind in the other.
I write the night into the page and the day into the night;
battling through my conscience to drown out the
Snap.
Waiting for the tension to melt, so I'll bend.
I won't break.
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likes 15
reading list entries 2
comments 31
reads 1118
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re: Snap.
Anonymous
1st Jul 2013 7:39pm
Indeed, Scribbler...we cannot break.
Nice write,
Strider
Nice write,
Strider
1
Re: Snap.
Anonymous
1st Jul 2013 7:49pm
Poetic perfection, Scribbler. A lot of work has gone into this brilliant write. Applaud you for your artistic efforts. Word choices, phrasing, imagery...all wonderfully penned. Love the poem a lot! :) xo
*Peace & Love* Carlene
*Peace & Love* Carlene
1
re: Re: Snap.
26th Jul 2013 8:52am
Re: Snap.
1st Jul 2013 8:37pm
Intense write Scribbler :) Ya know I think your gonna go somewhere with your writing its great! beyond great! :)
1
Re: Snap.
1st Jul 2013 9:09pm
re: Re: Snap.
26th Jul 2013 8:53am
Re: Snap.
1st Jul 2013 9:30pm
Nikki said it...i'll echo...Intense Dear Scribbler...You always have that "edge of Your seat" type writes.
Wonderful show of strength in a painted "trying time"
excellent Ink!!!
Wonderful show of strength in a painted "trying time"
excellent Ink!!!
1
Re: Snap.
1st Jul 2013 9:43pm
Your style is developing- less dramatic, more downbeat images in the first part but then a terrific punchy ending. The last four lines of the second stanza, the last three of the third and the final two lines are wonderful. They give a power and completeness to the poem.
1
re: Re: Snap.
26th Jul 2013 8:54am
Re: Snap.
2nd Jul 2013 00:57am
THIS has stolen my voice and left me breathless!
In awe of your talent! I can only endorse every comment that preceded mine! Xoxo
Poetic Love~
In awe of your talent! I can only endorse every comment that preceded mine! Xoxo
Poetic Love~
1
Re: Snap.
2nd Jul 2013 8:29am
the snapping tension draws me deeper. to the realms for unknown and fervent.
1
re: Re: Snap.
26th Jul 2013 8:55am
Re: Snap.
Anonymous
2nd Jul 2013 8:31am
I echo previous comments about you developing a style. This poem is affirming and strong, yet it swathes with an underlying softness. The language in here really helps. We go from 'stubborn & stiff' to 'paper & waves' - this transistion is beautiful.
Minor niggle:
"A spent a lot of time being a sailor on the crest of forgiveness," - should this read "I spent"? I only ask because it doesn't make sense when I read it aloud, and you go on into the next line to reference yourself.
Thank you for the read.
Minor niggle:
"A spent a lot of time being a sailor on the crest of forgiveness," - should this read "I spent"? I only ask because it doesn't make sense when I read it aloud, and you go on into the next line to reference yourself.
Thank you for the read.
1
re: Re: Snap.
26th Jul 2013 8:56am
Re: Snap.
Anonymous
3rd Jul 2013 8:00pm
GREAT write, Scribbler!
Love the last line, bend but not break...
Has been a while now, have missed your wonderful works!
Love the last line, bend but not break...
Has been a while now, have missed your wonderful works!
1
re: Re: Snap.
26th Jul 2013 8:57am
Thank you, it's taking me a while to get back into it,
I needed to make sure what I was writing was my best :)
I needed to make sure what I was writing was my best :)
Re: Snap.
Anonymous
4th Jul 2013 7:32am
S2 is my favorite. In L3 of S2 I don't think you need "the" in front of "mind games".
The onomatopoeia of "snap" is really superb, and the final strophe wrapped it all up perfectly.
This is excellent.
The onomatopoeia of "snap" is really superb, and the final strophe wrapped it all up perfectly.
This is excellent.
1
re: Re: Snap.
26th Jul 2013 8:58am
Anonymous
- Edited 1st May 2021 7:46am
5th Jul 2013 2:31pm
<< post removed >>
Re: Snap.
Wonderful poem! There's is a lot I could quote from this but I won't. It's all great.
1
Re: Snap.
15th Jul 2013 8:51pm
hold on one second, have to say this every time it comes up, haven't read anything yet but the first word, "billows" that is my favorite word ever!!! love to see it used especially for a first word because then i know i am already going to love this...
alright going back up now to read the whole thing, one sec
okay yup read the whole thing
reading listed it, because i was right, i fucking loved it!!! your style is so amazing, very VERY mature =].
alright going back up now to read the whole thing, one sec
okay yup read the whole thing
reading listed it, because i was right, i fucking loved it!!! your style is so amazing, very VERY mature =].
1
re: Re: Snap.
26th Jul 2013 8:59am
Re: Snap.
20th Jul 2013 11:40am
re: Re: Snap.
26th Jul 2013 9:00am
Re: Snap.
4th Feb 2014 00:08am