on masochism

Such a fine line
between love
and hate...
Every moment in your presence confirms this.
You make me
sick-
Your calculated cruelty,
your manipulative, emotional attacks..
Your concealed insecurity
is painfully obvious
to me.
And yet I love you
with the entire expanse of my soul
however sick and poisoned
it has become.
I have to believe you care-
I greedily hoard
every rare display
 of kindness
you accidentally show.
The time has come
for you to go...
I watch the days pass with a heavy heart
even though it means the end
to this waking nightmare.