deepundergroundpoetry.com
wolf
the moon slapped back
after I ate it in howl.
Country road, Toyota Camry
turned 454 big block
badassing in swerve state
spores of the wide-eyed sport
sitting in trunk.
She sips the nights last droplets
discarding the bottle at 80 miles
per hour, and this is lion country
the roar of the court system stalking
but she seen some movie of herself
and it's showtime baby.
Should have known she had storying
to sew by the soft black in that
short summer skirt that well armed women
wear when homicide needs to be subtle enough
to not be noticed
and she leaves lipstick on cigarettes
behind the set of Oblivious To Fire
by waving her arm out the car window.
By the end of the road she has invited
the full spectrum of passion. I will wake up
tomorrow with a swollen hand, and a door to fix.
After I roll a smoke, and piss off the porch
I will kiss the hole that the moon left in her forehead.
after I ate it in howl.
Country road, Toyota Camry
turned 454 big block
badassing in swerve state
spores of the wide-eyed sport
sitting in trunk.
She sips the nights last droplets
discarding the bottle at 80 miles
per hour, and this is lion country
the roar of the court system stalking
but she seen some movie of herself
and it's showtime baby.
Should have known she had storying
to sew by the soft black in that
short summer skirt that well armed women
wear when homicide needs to be subtle enough
to not be noticed
and she leaves lipstick on cigarettes
behind the set of Oblivious To Fire
by waving her arm out the car window.
By the end of the road she has invited
the full spectrum of passion. I will wake up
tomorrow with a swollen hand, and a door to fix.
After I roll a smoke, and piss off the porch
I will kiss the hole that the moon left in her forehead.
Published 26th Jun 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
reading list entries 0
comments 12
reads 847
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
26th Jun 2013 3:29pm
sounds like a drunk adventure of the crazy kind..lol
enjoyed the read though, nice work :-)
enjoyed the read though, nice work :-)
26th Jun 2013 5:35pm
26th Jun 2013 3:39pm
26th Jun 2013 5:36pm
Anonymous
26th Jun 2013 6:28pm
I keep my spores in the fridge ;)
Brass tacks - S1 should stand alone.
S2&3 are erroneous.
Loved the rest, and jmo, of corpse, LB.
Brass tacks - S1 should stand alone.
S2&3 are erroneous.
Loved the rest, and jmo, of corpse, LB.
27th Jun 2013 11:28am
of corpse! haha, erroneous huh- as in filled completely with mistakes, or just shouldn't be involved at all? serious reconsideration now begun.
S1, stand alone as in another piece, and shouldn't be here?
Thank you for the honest feedback m'dear, and of corpse I am relooking through this weighing with your thoughts
S1, stand alone as in another piece, and shouldn't be here?
Thank you for the honest feedback m'dear, and of corpse I am relooking through this weighing with your thoughts
Anonymous
28th Jun 2013 5:56pm
Ok, let us re-engage :) Hi hi hi, Casey!
I read back through again, and yes I think the opening strophe is a complete thought/action/image. Though short out packs a punch and works as a stand alone piece of poetry. Maybe we could dub it a "poetite", lol. (Poem+petite)
I was using erroneous in the second meaning. It is always up to the poet, just thought I would point out my perspective as reader. For me, even as a stream of conscious type piece, those details detracted from your brilliance. The voice they carry has a different rhythm than the rest.
Cheers, honey, I always enjoy your writing.
I read back through again, and yes I think the opening strophe is a complete thought/action/image. Though short out packs a punch and works as a stand alone piece of poetry. Maybe we could dub it a "poetite", lol. (Poem+petite)
I was using erroneous in the second meaning. It is always up to the poet, just thought I would point out my perspective as reader. For me, even as a stream of conscious type piece, those details detracted from your brilliance. The voice they carry has a different rhythm than the rest.
Cheers, honey, I always enjoy your writing.
28th Jun 2013 7:08pm
haha, thank you and hello hello hello to you!
I very much appreciate your particular perspective as a reader. I do feel disjointed so the fresh eyes are well received. In between a few things with where I think I am going, and there has been more than one bump in the road, plenty more that I can't see. Keep it straight up with me always toots, that's the sign of a good friend
I very much appreciate your particular perspective as a reader. I do feel disjointed so the fresh eyes are well received. In between a few things with where I think I am going, and there has been more than one bump in the road, plenty more that I can't see. Keep it straight up with me always toots, that's the sign of a good friend
3rd Jul 2013 11:02am
4th Jul 2013 1:47am
4th Jul 2013 10:35pm
That's some road trip there, LB. The last stanza is a brilliant hint of the mayhem with that last line KILLER!
My second favorite stanza is : Should have known she had storying
to sew by the soft black in that
short summer skirt that well armed women
wear when homicide needs to be subtle enough
to not be noticed.
I really dig that cinema noir flair in that stanza. Terrific lines.
My only nit and tis a minor one at that is the Toyota Camry. Though the vehicles morphs I don't see the narrator as A Camry guy unless it's an old, been around the block Camry. I had one that had like 215,000 miles when she died. That bitch couldn't die. Now, if it is an older Camry then I totally get it. If it's like a 2013 Camry then I don't think it works as well. So my recommendation is just to put some miles and or years on the big old car. But this piece really rocks, LB. Great job.
My second favorite stanza is : Should have known she had storying
to sew by the soft black in that
short summer skirt that well armed women
wear when homicide needs to be subtle enough
to not be noticed.
I really dig that cinema noir flair in that stanza. Terrific lines.
My only nit and tis a minor one at that is the Toyota Camry. Though the vehicles morphs I don't see the narrator as A Camry guy unless it's an old, been around the block Camry. I had one that had like 215,000 miles when she died. That bitch couldn't die. Now, if it is an older Camry then I totally get it. If it's like a 2013 Camry then I don't think it works as well. So my recommendation is just to put some miles and or years on the big old car. But this piece really rocks, LB. Great job.
5th Jul 2013 1:17pm
Ah tony my man!
Couldn't have hoped for a better read, thanks much
Ha, the ol Toyota... 200k miles, last legs, barely runs. Maybe ill throw some rust in there
Couldn't have hoped for a better read, thanks much
Ha, the ol Toyota... 200k miles, last legs, barely runs. Maybe ill throw some rust in there
