deepundergroundpoetry.com
small talk
let us set comfort to digging
and discuss around these things.
I can hear how your smile is con
spiring inside your cheek sister
and the glance that you left un-
perfected, sounds like a story I
would love to hear.
Please tell it
baking fragrant foods
in your line, and top off this cup
with the words that ferment yeast
but do not waste the contortions
of larynx on weaving for me
the winds of where that you
of you; that splits thumbs' grass
into whistle resides,
because that communication is spoken
more clearly in the specific chirps,
cracks, and crows that smuggle soft
invitations from your daydream out
to the sublime sigh that nests itself
upon the last summit of your cheek.
and discuss around these things.
I can hear how your smile is con
spiring inside your cheek sister
and the glance that you left un-
perfected, sounds like a story I
would love to hear.
Please tell it
baking fragrant foods
in your line, and top off this cup
with the words that ferment yeast
but do not waste the contortions
of larynx on weaving for me
the winds of where that you
of you; that splits thumbs' grass
into whistle resides,
because that communication is spoken
more clearly in the specific chirps,
cracks, and crows that smuggle soft
invitations from your daydream out
to the sublime sigh that nests itself
upon the last summit of your cheek.
Published 21st Jun 2013
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likes 4
reading list entries 0
comments 6
reads 710
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
21st Jun 2013 5:04pm
I really enjoyed this read-and I may be wrong in your intended meaning but to me it say's..show me, don't talk. Words are cheap and I'm interested but don't ruin it with pretentiousness-
I loved the read, anyway-nice work!
I loved the read, anyway-nice work!
21st Jun 2013 6:08pm
awesome miki, thank you!
there is certainly some talk is cheapness in here. Preciate the read n comment
there is certainly some talk is cheapness in here. Preciate the read n comment
22nd Jun 2013 00:28am
I'm really into this. You always have a bit of daring in your bearded forays into sensitivity. With this you cross over, let the words just open up, and say to hell with everyday sober speech. Well crafted, special attention to the quality of the sound. The images and metaphors range from fairly fresh to outright original.
I keep meaning to ask as I noticed your new style of line breaks that occasionally fall on the syllable rather than the word. I can't seem to find anyone asking, or you telling about it. Is it rhythm, natural points for breathing or emphasis that is breaking them there?
I keep meaning to ask as I noticed your new style of line breaks that occasionally fall on the syllable rather than the word. I can't seem to find anyone asking, or you telling about it. Is it rhythm, natural points for breathing or emphasis that is breaking them there?
22nd Jun 2013 1:06pm
thank you steve.
Very much swept in sounds here, and so glad you caught the intended flow of the thing. The line breaks that break words are mostly visual, if I can keep the lines in a particular stanza relatively similar in length by breaking a word, and still have that break make sense sonically I have been trying it. In many of the cases I am enjoying how it's read and how its said.
the problem that I am facing is that it can take a couple looks through before an entire line can be read for what it is. I am def still working it out...I don't have a problem with having to read through a piece a few times, but I don't want it to be too inaccessible. Thanks again for reading and commenting braggman
Very much swept in sounds here, and so glad you caught the intended flow of the thing. The line breaks that break words are mostly visual, if I can keep the lines in a particular stanza relatively similar in length by breaking a word, and still have that break make sense sonically I have been trying it. In many of the cases I am enjoying how it's read and how its said.
the problem that I am facing is that it can take a couple looks through before an entire line can be read for what it is. I am def still working it out...I don't have a problem with having to read through a piece a few times, but I don't want it to be too inaccessible. Thanks again for reading and commenting braggman
28th Jun 2013 6:03pm
Phwoar!! that first stanza is pure poetic pornography, I didn't even wanna move on from that, just wanted to read it again and again. Needless to say I love this, I only struggle with one line and that's 'the winds of where that you of you' I can't seem to figure it out but I'll persevere and work it out. Anyways refreshing read, props!
gnarly comment DM, thank ya much!
the you of you line is tricky and I could have scratched it clearer, but I think it sonically fits if the whole line is read correctly, but that is my responsibility for laying it clearly...which I will simmer on how to do. again, many thanks
the you of you line is tricky and I could have scratched it clearer, but I think it sonically fits if the whole line is read correctly, but that is my responsibility for laying it clearly...which I will simmer on how to do. again, many thanks
