deepundergroundpoetry.com

Kiss the Cuts Away

I've started again.
And it hurts more than it did before.
Because I thought I was cured from this sickness.
I thought I had left the valley of razors and knives behind.
But now I'm back inside of that same darkness.
As a tally board becomes of my left arm.
With every hurtful word.
Every scream or yell.
Every fight that breaks out.
More cuts appear on my wrist.
I last a year.
And than feel back inside Depression's cold and hungry grasp.
And now I hold the razor close to my chest and the knives had many hiding place inside of my house.
And I fear my child will grow up counting the cuts.
And fear the sight of blood.
Because is his young days of life he is seeing the darkness unfold in my actions.
And I cry sometimes when I see him and cannot pick him up because of the fresh cuts on my arm, and the blood I fear will one day scar him for life.
What is wrong with me?
I was suppose to get better and I feel ever more sick.
What's wrong with me?
As I look to my love in the middle of rainstorm and I feel so happy and better in a way I hadn't in a long time.
I need to feel again.
I need to love, to live, to write, dance in the rain and not worry anymore.
I worry too much.
And everything should be easier now.
Everything has to be okay.
So pleas kiss my cuts like you kiss my lips.
And hold me even though I push you away.
Even though I scream.
And yell.
And hit.
Hold me and make me fear better.
Kiss the pain away.
Like the rain washed away my sorrow.
Kiss my cuts into the night.
And pretend that don't keep getting worse.
But don't pretend like they don't exist.
Please love me even when I'm not that loving in return.
And please my little baby smile at me when my tears fall because I stayed in this world to have you.
And I don't want to want to leave.
I want to stay and hold on to the things that are precious to me.
So please my loves, my family, my friends--
Kiss the cuts away.